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He stares at me, and I can see the struggle in his eyes. “I honestly don’t know,” he says in a low voice. “I always hoped to, but I don’t know if I ever would’ve gotten the guts to do it. I’ve always been too afraid of this happening.”
I’m so fucking torn. He’s done so much for me over the years. He’s always been there, night and day, no matter what I needed. And he might’ve been the only thing that saved me and Lily that night. I just don’t know if I can move on from this. He’s become a walking reminder of the worst day of my life and I’m not sure if I can deal with it.
“Well, it’s happening,” I say. “I need you to leave.”
“Alex—”
“Just go. I need some fucking time to sort this shit out in my head.” I pick up the puppy and stand. “And take this with you.” I thrust the dog against his chest. I can’t accept an expensive puppy from him now, and I’m in no state of mind to be caring for something that’s going to need constant attention.
My heart feels like it’s being ripped open when those two little black, woeful eyes look up at me.
Kelley’s face falls as he wraps his arms around the puppy. “Alex, come on. Don’t do this. I’m leaving soon—”
“Good.” I head back toward my studio. My feet feel like they’re encased in lead. “Enjoy your tour. Send me a fucking postcard.”
I’m done.
Just when I thought life was getting better, I get another knife through the heart.
Chapter 34
ALEX
It’s crazy how fast things can change.
How one conversation, one text, one phone call, one drive across town, can kill your mood. Derail your day. Destroy your entire life.
Or, if you’re lucky, they can change your life in amazing ways.
I’m constantly reminded that the only moment we can count on—the only moment that’s real—is the one we’re in.
Earlier today, my creative juices were in full swing. I had a best friend. I had dinner plans. I unexpectedly had a puppy.
Suddenly, it all went to hell. Now I’m staring at a bunch of forks and spoons on my workbench, wondering if my bird and tree idea is dumb as shit.
Fuck it. I can’t let all the drama in my life drag me down. I might think Kelley is a dick right now, but the advice he’s been doling out for years is still top notch.
I stay laser-focused for the rest of the afternoon, throwing mental blocks up left and right every time I start worrying about Lily, Kelley, and the situation with Penny.
At three thirty, I call it quits and take a shower. I put on my new, fancy snakeskin eyepatch.
I figure since I’ve got this scar plastered on my face I might as well make it look cool.
From the kitchen, I send Penny a text:
I’m making dinner for our picnic
Penny:
You don’t have to do that! I was going to.
Let me spoil you a little, please
Penny:
okay. :-) I’ll be home at six. I’ve been thinking about you all day. xo
Tell me what you’ve been thinking about, but tell me Penny-Poem-Style ;-)
Penny:
LOL you want me to improv?
You can do it
Penny:
The only home I’ve ever known is in your arms / With the echo of your heartbeats whispering my name / You are my favorite book, your frayed pages filled with moments I want to read a thousand times / And I wish, and I hope, and I wonder…if you feel the same
Amazing how words can tiptoe across your flesh and make your pulse soar.
I read her little impromptu poem six times. Her voice is crystal clear in my head, softly saying words that pull me in deeper and deeper. She always knows how to say and do the right things.
I take a screenshot and save it in my favorites so I can read it again later.
Utterly beautiful. You can stop wondering. I feel the same. 1000%.
Penny:
That makes me happy. I have to go, the phones are ringing like mad. I’ll see you tonight. xo
Two seconds later, I realize I don’t know a damn thing about romantic picnics. A quick web search shows me images of baskets, blankets, fancy pillows, wine, crystal glasses, flowers, and candles. Lots of candles.
Whoa. I had no idea there was so much fluff involved. Good thing I checked or I would’ve thrown an old beach towel down and used the red plastic cups me and the guys use at barbecues.
My options are severely limited since Penny took my car to work today, so I rummage through the kitchen cabinets and drawers trying to find anything even close to the web pictures.
I score a heart-shaped cookie cutter in the back of the kitchen drawer and quickly cut slices of bread, deli meats, and sliced cheese into hearts. I throw a salad together in a big wooden bowl that I didn’t even know we had. I jog to the pier with a throw blanket I found in the linen closet and two throw pillows that used to be in the nursery. The only basket I can find is an old planter in the shed that’s now filled with dirt and bugs, but we have a little vintage wood box in the kitchen that's filled with fruit, which scatters across the kitchen table when I empty it. A brief stab of sadness pierces my heart when I grab two wineglasses from the little cabinet over the refrigerator. They haven’t been touched since my and Bri’s last anniversary.
