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His stare practically pinned me to the wall. “Have you?”
“Of course I have.”
“Who else knows about this? Lily? Her parents?”
“Nobody. Just you. If Lily found out she’d hate me even more. I’m losing her, and it’s killing me.”
“Then get your head out of your ass. You told me years ago all you wanted was to be a good father. Then fucking do it. Stop obsessing over Penny.” His lips press together. “You never should’ve let her move in. You had to know these feelings were there then, right?”
“To a degree, yes.”
“That’s fucked up, Alex.”
“I know it is, but nothing is going to change my feelings for her. Believe me, I’ve tried. She makes me happy. Don’t I deserve to be happy?”
“Of course you do.”
“Then, if there’s a way she and I can be together, I want a life with her.”
He sighed. “That’s gonna be a long, uphill battle, Fox.”
“Trust me, I know. It feels even more impossible now. I don’t know what happened the last time we were together, it’s like she had a major meltdown. It came out of nowhere, and she’s mentally not okay. She didn’t just move to California, Kel, she was taken to a recovery center by her parents.”
His eyes narrowed. “What kind of recovery center are we talking about?”
I broke down and told him about Penny’s episode and all the bizarre things she said. How confusing and strange it all was. I was relieved to finally come clean. By the time I finished, his face was a map of shock and horror.
“This is some crazy shit, Fox. The more you tell me, the worse it is.”
I follow him to the kitchen, where he proceeds to raid my refrigerator. “I don’t know what the fuck to think. Penny always seemed so smart and levelheaded. I can’t believe she snapped.” He bites into a mozzarella string cheese, and it was like nails on a chalkboard watching him eat it wrong without peeling the cheese. “If you guys are in love, great. I’ll force myself to accept it if she makes you happy, even though the age difference makes me fucking squirm. But her babbling about Brianna is weird as hell and a big red flag. Do you think she’s obsessed with you and Bri? Like that Fatal Attraction movie?”
“No,” I said adamantly. “You know Penny, she’s not like that.”
“True, but ya never know. I’ve met some crazy chicks on the road. I’m glad she’s getting help, it sounds like she’s where she needs to be. But if you really love her and want to be with her? You gotta get your shit together. You can’t be like this when she comes back. The chick obviously needs stability, and so do you, for the record. You’re not going to be good for her, or for Lily, if you stay on this path. I love Penny, but you better make sure she’s mentally stable before you get involved, or you’re gonna get your fucking heart broken again.”
“That won’t happen,” I countered.
“It already is.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I refused to believe it.
“Do you think it’s possible…” I asked tentatively, straightening my eye patch. “That maybe what she was saying could be true? That she could be Brianna in some way?”
He stared at me for a long time. So long that I started to worry he’d been suspended in time. Finally he said, “No. Fuck no. What I do think is if there’s any part of you that’s hoping Penny is Brianna, then you’re not ready to move on. Penny can’t replace Brianna. Maybe she thinks she has to, and that’s what made her break. Who knows? But if you can’t see Penny for Penny, it’s game over.”
I was taken aback. Did I make Penny believe she wasn’t enough?
“I don’t wish Penny was Brianna. But there’s a lot of little coincidences and similarities between them that’s hard to overlook.”
“If you stare at anything long enough, you’ll start seeing what you want to see,” he said as we headed to the living room.
I nodded slowly and lowered myself into my favorite chair. “You’re probably right.”
“Alex, stop trying to resurrect the dead and make sure Penny does the same. All that shit aside, you have to stop drinking and wallowing. Focus on your work and your kid. You’re too old for this bullshit.” He’d kicked off his shoes and crawled onto my couch with his eyes already closed, pulling the throw blanket over him. “And so am I.”
Before I could say anything else, he was out like a light.
He stayed for three days, and then he caught a red-eye back to LA. It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized I never asked him how the tour was going, and if he was happy being a rock star. I didn’t tell him I was worried about the dimness in his blue eyes.
