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Unfortunately, that wasn’t a dream. That was too incredibly fucking real.
Lily is staring at me expectantly. “I’m okay,” I tell her. “When did you get home?”
“Aunt Kirsty just dropped me off. I was worried about you, so I came home a little early.” Her eyes narrow at me. “I know you’re really sad about Cherry, and please don’t get mad at me for asking, but you’re not hungover, are you?” Worry trails in her voice.
“No. I haven’t had a drink in a long time. You just woke me from a dead-ass sleep.”
Her nose twitches and it’s odd to me that she doesn’t do it in the way her mother did, but somehow, Penny does. “It smells weird in here,” she says. “Like flowery cookies.”
I spy Penny’s lotion candle on the nightstand. The way she touched my hands with the warm waxy lotion was one of the most intimate things I’ve ever felt in my life. How the hell could her touch have been so caring and such a fucking turn-on at the same time?
Shit.
I hope she went to her own room right after she massaged the wax into my hands and my exhausted, grief-stricken mind just dreamed the kissing-and-cuddling-in-bed parts.
Quickly looking away from the candle, I ask, “Did you have a good time at Kirsty’s?”
Lily nods. “Yes, but after Penny called, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and Cherry. I really loved her, even though I didn’t get to love her for as long as you did.”
Bri was obsessed with the idea of having our baby and the puppy grow up together. She wanted to take tons of cute photos of them doing things as they grew up. The only picture I have of them together is Cherry lying on Bri’s stomach while she was pregnant.
“I’ll show you something cool.” I reach across to the nightstand, open the drawer, and pull out that very photo that I keep next to my bed with a few of my other special favorites. I hand it to Lily.
“Oh my God, Dad.” Her eyes well with tears. “Is this Mom pregnant with me? And look at Cherry so young!”
“Yup.” I smile at the bittersweet memory. “I think Cherry knew you were in there. She used to wag her tail when she felt you kick.”
“Seriously, Dad? That’s so adorable and sweet.” She throws her arms around my shoulders and hugs me—a rarity for her.
“I’m so sorry, Dad. It all really sucks.”
I hug her back before she has a chance to pull away, which she quickly does. “As Kelley says, with deep love comes deep pain.”
She tilts her head. “That’s sad but also kinda beautiful.”
“It is.”
She sighs. “I’m going to make breakfast. Maybe chocolate chip waffles will cheer you up?” she asks hopefully.
I have zero appetite, but I agree to breakfast because I never want to miss any time with my daughter. I missed enough already.
Lily and Penny are in the kitchen mixing waffle batter when I get down there. As I walk by Cherry’s empty dishes, I automatically reach for them to start getting her breakfast and meds. But then reality sets in, and a stab of pain pierces my heart. She’s gone. I have no idea what I’m going to do with another huge void in my life. Cherry was with me all day, every day, for nineteen years. That’s even longer than Brianna was in my life.
As I sit at the table, I glance at Penny by the coffee maker and search for clues about last night. I’m still trying to convince myself that most of last night was a dream.
She catches me staring and smiles. A hint of pink colors her cheeks.
Shit.
“I made you a toasted marshmallow latte,” she says a few minutes later, setting my favorite mug in front of me. The girls have turned half of my kitchen into a coffee bar stocked with at least a dozen different-flavored syrups and canisters of toppings. The toasted marshmallow is my weakness—especially when Penny makes it with whipped cream, marshmallow, and smashed graham crackers on top. I wouldn’t be caught dead drinking this fluffy concoction in public, but I’ll drink it all day here at home.
Before I can say thank you, Lily slides a plate of waffles in front of me.
“You two are spoiling me. And making me fat,” I say, pouring syrup over my waffles.
“We’re just trying to cheer you up,” Lily says.
“You’re far from fat, Alex. You look great.” Penny adds.
I almost choke on my food.
Lily falls into the seat next to me and chimes in with Penny. “We’ll let you know if you start getting a dad bod.”
“Great,” I mumble.
Penny’s knee bumps into mine under the table when she takes the seat across from me. She doesn’t move her leg away but leaves it there, lightly pressing against mine.
I steal a glance at her, but she’s busy cutting her waffle up into small pieces.
