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But imperfect is the only way I can have him, so I’ll take it.
He kisses his way back up to my lips, then pulls away slightly to gaze into my eyes.
“I adore you, Penny.” The hoarseness in his voice makes my chest ache. “You mean the absolute world to me, and you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. You know that, right?”
I nod, unable to squeeze words past the lump in my throat.
“You deserve so much better than this.” His voice is low, rough with regret and longing.
“We deserve better than this,” I correct. “Together.”
“I’ve been trying to think of ways to make us a little more acceptable.”
I lean my forehead against his. “I don’t care what other people think.”
“I don’t want to either, but I have to. I’ve known you since you were six. You moved into my house when you were seventeen. It looks bad. I used to teach art to little kids. It’s a small town. I don’t want people—especially your parents—to think I was doing inappropriate things with you or anyone else.”
“I wouldn’t want anyone to think badly of you. Ever.”
“And then there’s Lily. I don’t know how she’d feel about us being together. She might think I’m a pig. She might think you pretended to be her friend just to get close to me.”
My blood goes ice cold. “Oh no,” I gasp, tears prickling my eyes. “I never even thought of that.”
“I’m trying to think of everyone. Not just us.”
“It would kill me if Lily thought that, or if I became a reason for her to push you away. All I want is for you two to be happy.”
“You make both of us happy.”
“I can’t choose between you…”
“I’d never want you to do that.”
“What are we going to do?” I ask tearfully. It all feels hopeless.
“We’ll find a way, baby.”
His lips meet mine again, soft and slow enough to make me feel like I’m going to melt into the car. He gathers me up into his arms and hugs me tight against his chest, with his face buried in my hair. I nestle into his shoulder. His shirt is soft against my cheek, his scent familiar with each breath I take. He hugs me—longer than he kissed me—then slowly pulls away.
“I had a great time with you tonight,” I whisper.
“I promise someday we’ll have real dates. Dinners. Day trips. Vacations. Late nights lost in each other. Mornings under blankets…” He leans down and touches his lips to mine. “It’s all I want. All I think about. Please believe that.”
I do believe him. I can feel it in my heart that somehow, some way, we will be together.
Chapter 31
PENNY
We arrive home with a bag full of Lily’s favorite snacks.
“Guess what, favorite daughter,” Alex yells when we walk inside the house. “We came home early.”
“I’m gonna go upstairs and change,” I say. “We’ll be right down.”
Grabbing my hand, he pulls me back to him. “Shh…” He brushes his lips across mine. “’Til next time,” he whispers.
Smiling, I go up to my room and change into yoga pants and a T-shirt.
“Lily?” I call out from my bedroom door.
Her light is off. I quietly enter her room to see if she’s sleeping, but she’s not there.
“Lily?”
She wasn’t in the hall bathroom when I passed it on the way in here. I flick on her bedroom light. The T-shirt and pink pajama pants she was wearing earlier are on her bed. Frowning, I peer out the window. Her car is in the driveway.
I go downstairs, thinking she must’ve come down while I was changing. Alex is standing in the kitchen eating a bag of Cheetos.
“Is she down here?” I ask.
He swallows and licks his lips. “No. Isn’t she upstairs?”
I shake my head. “No.”
Forehead creasing, he tosses the bag on the counter and opens the door to the basement. “Lily? You down there?”
Silence.
We blink at each other. “Maybe she went out to the barn?” I suggest.
“I’ll go check. Call her phone.”
I call her mobile as he goes out the back door. It rings and rings, then goes to voice mail.
“Hi, Lily, it’s me. We came home early, and, um, we can’t find you.” I let out a little laugh. “Call me. Or meet me in the living room. I don’t even know if you’re here. Okay, I love ya. Bye.”
“Any word?” Alex asks when he returns.
“It went to voice mail. I left a message.”
“Where the hell is she?”
“Good question. Let me text her.”
When I open my message app, I see the last text she sent me was hours ago, replying about Kelley.
hey, where are you? We’re home and can’t find you.
“Did you check the pier?” I ask.
“Yeah. She’s not out there. I checked her car, too.”
I feel helpless when he starts to pace the living room.
“Was the front door locked when we got home?” he asks.
