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Seeing her take charge, I couldn’t help but think,how did I get so lucky?She wasn’t leaving me in the dust, she truly wanted to help me. She was staying.
“Yeah, I’d like that. Maybe we can put that audiobook on too so you can show me how,” I hesitantly added, mostly because I wanted to make her happy, and I wasn’t sure how many other nights we’d get like this together.
“Let’s do it,” she returned with a sad smile, like she was somehow able to track my thoughts.
While ordering our food on the phone, she walked around the couch and pulled at the back of my hair with a questioning look on her face.
I just shook my head and felt myself actually laugh for one of the first times today.
An hour later, I was completely engrossed in the hockey romance audiobook while we broke out our dessert cannolis from Pops.
I hit pause on my phone. “Wait, this is like a real game. I can see it in my head,” I told her, feeling shocked at the notion. I always heard people could see books in their mind just like they were watching a movie, but I’d never experienced it myself, and I always thought they were insane. Now I felt like I was finally being inducted into some kind of secret book-loving club.
“Yeah?” she asked excitedly.
“Yeah,” I responded incredulously. “And this is actually a good play,” I said, pointing to my phone. “I’m dead serious.”
Josie’s face broke into a smile. “I mean, I’m not surprised you think so. This author is hockey sister. Don’t sleep on hockey sisters, they’ve been toa lotof games. They know their shit.”
“Damn.” I never thought of that before, but it made sense. Duke’s sister’s hockey IQ was practically higher than most scouts’ at this point. “Let’s keep going, yeah?” I was already reaching to hit play again.
She nodded happily and took a big bite of cannoli. “I’ve always wanted a romance book club, had no idea it’d be with my boyfriend,” she mumbled, then immediately blushed. “I mean, you know, like–”
I cut her off with a messy cannoli kiss, making her giggle, but my chest hurt. I would’ve been elated to hear her say that yesterday, but now it was my fucking fault it wasn’t true. I just felt overwhelmed as fuck and had no clue how to fix everything.
When we were about half-way through the book, Josie started nodding off. I retrieved a blanket from my bedroom and covered her, then carefully took off her reading glasses and stuffed them in their designated pocket in her backpack.
I hated that I’d have to miss her as soon as she walked out the door. I wanted to stay in the fictional world a little longer with Josie’s warm body snuggled safely on the couch beside me, so I grabbed the book and continued.
At some point in my audiobooking journey, I fell asleep as well, and I was only stirred awake when the door creaked open. Hassik and Garcia tiptoed in and tried to quietly make it back to their rooms without fully waking us.
I kept my arm slung around Josie’s waist and pulled her body closer against mine. I yanked the blankets higher and wished I could have this kind of peace every single night.
________
But the morning came way too soon.
I laid there fully awake watching the light stream into the loft when my alarm sounded. Josie rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and I pressed a kiss into her hair, wishing I could hit the snooze, but knowing that I couldn’t. The day would start with or without us, and today, and every day after this, I couldn’t afford to let it move without me.
“G’morning,” she grumbled.
Maybe the morning would become good later, but nothing about the situation between us was good right then.
“Good morning,” I said, practically choking on the words.
A wistful look overtook her face as she reached up and traced my jawline with her finger. “What time is she coming?”
My mouth suddenly went dry from nerves. “She’s being dropped off in about a half hour.”
She nodded and rolled off the couch, away from me, and I hated that I had to let her go.
I followed her to the door like it was a death march.
But when she pulled open the front door, she paused. “Hey,” she said forcefully, pulling me from my thoughts. “I was just thinking… You were at eighty percent and I was at twenty until the other night. It’s okay if we flip flop percentages for a while. We don’t have to fully… break,” her voice wobbled.
My throat felt like it was coated in ash. While I wanted that so,sobadly, I couldn’t ask that of her. And knowing she was waiting would just put more pressure on the situation. I’d be rushing things with Stevie. I pulled her against my chest and held the back of her neck as I pressed a kiss into her hair, and I loved that her body relaxed against mine.
“Josie,” I was fighting against getting choked up now, “I can’t ask you to wait for me.” I continued holding her in that position, because it was easier to say this into her hair instead of looking her in the eye. “I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get everything settled.” And it just about killed me to say what I was thinking next. I closed my eyes. “I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you waiting around for me.”
