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I can feel his condescending gaze burning into me, but I refuse to back down. For once in my life, I'm going to follow my heart, even if it leads me straight into the unknown.
"Thanks for the pep talk," I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "But I don't need your permission or your approval. I'm doing this for Raven, not for you."
"Suit yourself," he says, shrugging nonchalantly as he pours himself another drink.
As I leave the office, the sound of his laughter echoing behind me, I can't help but wonder what kind of man I'm becoming. But one thing is certain: I won't let Raven slip through my fingers again. This time, I'll be there for her – no matter what it takes.
* * *
The cold stone floor of the church presses against my knees, a reminder that I'm still tethered to this earth. My hands are clasped tightly in prayer, but it feels hollow. God seems so distant now, ever since Teddy entered my life.
"God, please guide me," I whisper into the silence. But there's no reply, only the echoes of doubt bouncing off the walls of the empty church.
My mind races to Father Patrick's words from years ago – his warnings about Teddy being some demonic force sent to tempt me away from my path. I can still feel the heat of his glare and the chill of his words: "You must resist, Raven. You must be strong."
But then there's Father James, his kind eyes offering solace. He told me Teddy was just a man who loved me deeply, and that I hadn't done anything wrong. The two conflicting opinions weigh heavily on me, making it hard to breathe.
"Sister Neriah," Sister Mary calls softly as she approaches, her habit rustling gently with each step. "We're all glad you've decided to return to us. Have you thought more about your vows?"
"Yes. I intend to take them," I reply without conviction, my voice wavering.
"God will show you the way, dear," she says reassuringly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I wish I could believe her.
I think back to the first time I met Teddy, those blue eyes filled with a warmth I'd never known before. And the night we spent together, our bodies entwined, feeling alive and free. But then, there's the darkness – the violence that follows him like a shadow, threatening to consume us both.
I take a deep, shaky breath, trying to find clarity amidst the chaos of my thoughts. My decision to take my vows feels uncertain, but I don't know how else to process what happened between Teddy and me. This was supposed to be my escape, my sanctuary.
"Lord, please help me," I plead once more, my voice barely audible. But the silence remains deafening – no divine guidance, no celestial comfort to be found.
"Sister," Sister Mary says gently, a note of concern in her voice. "God is always with you. Trust in his love, and he will guide your way."
But as I rise from my knees, my heart heavy with unanswered questions and lingering doubt, I can't help but wonder if God has forsaken me, or if I've simply lost the ability to hear his voice against the turbulence of my own soul.
"I'm ready," I say to her. Sister Mary nods her head and then my feet are carrying me towards a fate I still feel uncertain about.
"Come, let us speak with Mother Superior, then," Sister Mary says.
The cold stone floor beneath my feet is a stark reminder of the life I've chosen. A life of solitude and penance, far removed from the chaotic world outside these walls. The scent of incense still lingers in the air, mingling with the prayers of my sisters and the echoes of our hymns.
"Sisters," Sister Agnes says, her soft voice breaking through my thoughts as we approach her. "There's a man asking for Sister Neriah."
My heart skips a beat, and I try to swallow the sudden lump in my throat. "Who?" I ask, attempting to sound indifferent.
"Teodoro Maldonado," she replies, her brow furrowing with concern.
The name sends a shiver down my spine. Even at just the mention of it I remember the feel of his lips on mine and the warmth of his embrace. I tighten my grip on the rosary beads in my hand, seeking strength from their familiar texture.
"Tell him . . . tell him I don't wish to see him," I say, my voice cracking.
Sister Agnes hesitates, her eyes searching mine for answers. "Are you sure, dear? It is not our place to turn away those who seek us out."
I nod, forcing myself to meet her gaze. "Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, Sister."
As she turns to leave, I watch the other nuns exchange glances, their whispered conversations hanging heavy in the air. They've noticed my turmoil, and though they don't know the full extent of my past, they can sense the storm brewing within me.
"Lord, please give me strength," I pray silently, clutching the rosary beads tighter. "Help me resist temptation, to stay true to the path I've chosen."
But even as I mouth the words, I can feel the pull of Teddy's presence. The music of our past plays in my mind, a haunting melody that refuses to be silenced. And I'm left wondering if I'll ever truly escape the darkness that binds us together, or if it's destined to consume us both.
