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"I'm sorry to say, dear Sister, but I disagree with your original Father Patrick's logic."
"You do?"
He nods his head.
"I am sure he meant you well. We are all, at the end of the day, imperfect humans trying only to interpret the Word of God through a flawed lens. But, I do not think Teddy is some devil on your shoulder."
"But, he enabled me to commit sin," I exclaim.
"Is that so true?" he asks me. "Or, was the sin already committed?"
"His actions allowed me to escape punishment."
"Is that also true? Or were you not looking for someone to assist you when he found you that morning."
I'm silent as I think about what Father James is saying. I feel like my world has been completely upended.
"Let me ask you this," he continues when I don't respond. "Have you ever missed your parents?"
"Missed them?"
"Yes," Father James says. "Have you ever longed for their presence in your life. Not the presence of parents in general, but the presence of your specific parents?"
"No," I admit. "Never. It's not easy to miss people who would do you harm."
"Now," Father James says. "Have you ever missed Teddy? All those years you were on your own. Did you ever regret leaving him that day?"
"All the time," I reply immediately. There was no sense in hiding anything from Father James. I came to him seeking counsel. He was only going to be able to help me as much as I let him.
"Have you considered that you were not seeking punishment for what happened to your parents, but rather, trying to find solace for running from the one man that helped you in your time of need?"
I feel sick to my stomach, probably because his words resonate.
"But, he is to blame! God is testing me with him. He has put him in my path to see if I can overcome his temptation. Why else would He bring me here?" I blurt out, repeating the things that I've lived the past five years believing.
"Assuming for a moment that Teddy is some form of devil for you," he says. "Is the Devil to blame when people give into temptation? Or is it the Devil's nature to tempt people away from God?"
I sit in silence, not sure how to answer.
"You said you were weeks away from taking your vows, yes?" Father James asks.
I nod my head.
"I believe you've been a novitiate for more than the required time. What's prevented you from taking them?"
My breathing is somewhat heavy. "The Sisters felt that I had not yet discerned what God is asking of me."
"Okay. That's what they believe. Is that what you also believe?"
"Yes," I admit. "I have felt confused and unsure of what God wants of me since coming to the church."
"It sounds to me like you have not broken your vows then," Father James says.
"What?" I ask, not following his line of thinking.
"When you confessed to me, you said that you acted impurely and broke your vows." He shakes his head. "No sin has been committed."
We sit in further silence as I process his words.
