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Not because she isn't hot or wasn't willing.
But, because she isn't Raven.
ChapterSeventeen
It takes me the better part of an hour of wandering around the property to find the chapel. I barely slept last night. I'd like to think that my lack of rest came from the ceremony, but I know that's a lie.
It was because of his kiss.
My mind is a jumbled mess of emotions, and even my prayers this morning didn't help. I haven't felt this distraught in some time.
I was reminded of Father James' invitation and decided I would take the risk of being caught wandering where I shouldn't in order to go and see him.
I feel a sense of relief the moment I step into the chapel. Like many of the rooms in this place, it's hidden behind two large oak doors. I push the doors closed behind me and take in the sight.
There are a few paintings on the walls of biblical scenes and an altar at the front of the room covered in lit candles. There's a window above it that gives the place a little bit of natural light. I look around for a confessional, but there isn't one. A few wooden pews are all I see in front of me.
A small door off to the right opens, and Father James walks in.
"Sister," he says in a warm tone, "I'm glad to see you."
In the light of the day, I can make out Father James' features a bit better. He's a little heavy set under his robes. His dark hair has thinned somewhat, but his face is kind and welcoming.
"And I, you," I reply. "I was hoping to confess my sins and seek some guidance from you, Father."
"Of course," he says, inviting me to sit down on a pew with him.
I hesitate, not used to such a setup.
"When you deal with men who so often commit their sins behind closed doors," he says, clearly catching onto my confusion, "I find it better for them to admit their sins in the open."
I nod my head in understanding and sit next to him.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," I say to him.
"What are your sins, child?"
"I have been unfaithful to my vows," I reply. "I have had impure thoughts regarding a man. I worry that he is again leading me down a path of temptation. One that he led me down so many years ago."
"Please explain further," he says. "Nothing you say to me will ever be shared. Maybe start from the beginning," he suggests.
I wring my hands in my lap. As far as I know, there are only two people in this world that know what happened to my parents. Teddy and Father Patrick. I briefly consider whether to tell Father James. Part of me wants to keep it a secret, but the logical side of my mind assures me that he's heard far worse from the men in this chapel.
"Teddy and I have a history," I say to him. "We met in high school. I was dating his brother at the time, or at least, around that time."
Father James listens to me recount the tale of how I met Teddy and what he helped me clean up. He doesn't react at all. He just sits still and listens.
"It was Father Patrick who really helped me understand that Teddy led me down a path of true evil. For years, I tortured myself because I sought forgiveness for this ultimate sin. Had Teddy never helped me, I would have gotten the punishment I deserved.
"I was only weeks away from taking my vows before I was brought here," I say to him. "I have prayed on why the Lord has seen fit to bring me to this place and put this man back in front of me. The only answer that I have is that He is testing me further.
"And, last night I failed His test. Because, Teddy kissed me and I kissed him back."
I put my head in my hands as I utter my confession, tears swimming in my eyes.
Father James' hands wrap around my back. I'm shocked at the motion. I've never been given comfort like this during a confession. There's always been a screen up between me and the priest who listens. This is a completely new experience for me.
I look up at him, and his features are soft and reassuring.
