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Once I’m feeling more settled and the bond between us is stable, I dab at my face and smile up at Nicolai. “Does this mean you’ll learn to control your magic?” I ask lightly, but I won’t back down.
Sighing, Nicolai nods and gives me a small, tight smile. “Yes.”
“Madame Constance will have your magic controlled quickly. She’s a great teacher,” Atlas comments from his position against the wall, and I flash him a smile over my shoulder.
I’m about to agree when Nicolai suddenly stiffens and takes a small step back. Alarmed, I look back at my mate and see the panic in his eyes. “Wait, why can’t you teach me?”
“I’m not a teacher—” Cutting himself off, Atlas waves it away with a gesture. “Psh, okay, fine. I’ll try, but if it doesn’t work, you’re going to Madame Constance.”
Atlas seems to have realised the same thing I did—Nicolai wasn’t going to be comfortable with or sharing his vulnerability with another witch. I’m just grateful that he’s willing to take Nicolai on as a student despite not being an instructor. He assisted with my learning when it comes to shields though, so I know he’s good at explaining magic, even if it’s reluctantly.
“Okay, I understand.” Understanding Atlas is offering something that he usually wouldn’t, Nicolai nods his head rapidly as if he’s afraid the other male is going to change his mind. “Can we start now?”
Barking out a laugh, Atlas crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re eager all of a sudden.”
I’m about to agree, since the change in Nicolai is rapid and obvious, but the strained expression he gives in return stops me from saying anything.
“I hate not being in control of my own body. Once I have control, it will be better.”
A tiny frown appears between Atlas’s brows, but he doesn’t comment on the change in my mate. Instead, he glances at the clock on the wall and the early hour of the day and exhales heavily. “Let’s go get some breakfast, and then we can start working on the basics.”
Hope blooms in Nicolai’s eyes, and he skips towards the door, a spring in his step once more. Meeting Atlas’s pointed look, I mouth my thanks and push my love for him down the bond. His expression softens, and his eyes sparkle with emotion.
As I watch them leave, my stomach twists, not with hunger, but concern. Seeing Nicolai like that had been heartbreaking. I would rather face the archway of truth every day for a year rather than see him so desolate again. Hopefully with Atlas’s help and my support, he will make it through this stronger.
Taking a deep breath, I send a prayer to the goddess that everything will work out, and that she’ll guide Nicolai through this turbulent time.
“Laelia?” Syn calls sleepily from the bedroom, breaking me from my thoughts.
Knowing there’s nothing else I can do for Nicolai at this moment, I turn to walk back into the bedroom, ready to climb into bed with my mates and let them comfort me.
ChapterTwelve
Iextend my trembling hands and focus on calling my power. Stars appear in my palms, the lights dazzling. With a simple thought, they dim to a softer glow. That’s the easy part. Taking a deep breath, I focus on the next stage of my task. Closing my eyes, I push the stars away from me, willing them to gothroughthe door and into the bedroom.
I know I accomplished it when Scott yelps in surprise. A small smile begins to pull at my lips, only that weakens my concentration, and my control slips. It takes all of my focus to manifest my stars.
“Um, Laelia, why is there a star hovering over me?” Scott’s tense voice calls out from behind the closed door into the bathroom.
“Sorry! Just practising!” Releasing the hold on my power, I feel the magic fade away, and Scott’s quiet sigh of relief informs me that the star in question has now disappeared.
His concern is valid, considering the scorch marks on the walls that document my many unsuccessful attempts at trying to make my stars travel through objects. It turns out those stars get hot and will burn. Using magic around my werewolf mates still seems to make them uncomfortable—not that they would ever say anything, and I see them trying to hide it—but Nicolai and Scott seem to struggle with it the most. Syn doesn’t care as long as he’s with me, and Joel is glad that I have a way to protect myself.
The last few days have passed by in a whirlwind. By order of the queen, I’ve been confined to my rooms to “rest and recover” from the attack. Kano tells me that the queen is investigating the matter very seriously, and that makes me nervous. Even so, I’ve been trying to make the most of the down time with my mates. I was beginning to go crazy with nothing to do, though, so Luna was able to persuade the queen to allow me to practice my magic. She agreed, but only if I had the lessons in my rooms.
Madame Constance and Luna have been spending hours here with me, teaching me and filling me in on what’s been going on in Haven. Having something to focus on has been helping me immensely. I feel like I’m piecing myself back together after being shattered by the archway. I had been feeling so vulnerable after that and the attack, that it seemed stupid not to learn to wield my power. My skills in controlling and using it seem to grow rapidly, almost impossibly so, but Madame Constance tells me this is normal. I feel stronger and more confident. My use of my star magic might be rudimentary, but it’s strong and does what I will it to ninety percent of the time.
The dark presence in me rarely speaks to me anymore. It seems that the more control I take for myself, the quieter it becomes. This should comfort me, after all, that presence has only ever enhanced my negative reactions, turning them into volatile thoughts and emotions. Instead of comfort, though, it only makes me nervous. Knowing that it would take control if I was ever in mortal danger became somewhat of a security blanket for me.
That pit of darkness within me remains, and I often dip into it when I use magic that requires more power. The intensity of the power I draw from there is different, like the voltage has been turned up to max, and it allows me to accomplish things I never thought possible. Learning to use this instead of relying on the dark presence to protect me is vital, but I won’t deny that it feels strange without that voice in the back of my mind. It always seemed to know what to do, whereas I feel like I’m struggling to keep my head above water.
When Atlas is not working with Nicolai, he helps me practice my shielding and defensive magic. During our first few sessions together, we could barely tolerate each other, and now it only brings us closer together.
Even the thought of his hands on my hips as he guides me through defensive moves, both physically and with my power, makes my heart flutter in my chest. We discovered that my magic manifests much more powerfully when I move with it. Some witches can control theirs with their mind, not needing to move or say a thing, while others use words or sounds to conjure their power. For me, it’s linked to movement. When I get lost in the magic and my body sways to the rhythm that intrinsically runs through me, it feels almost like a dance. There is no music or specific moves, just instinct.
Now that my magic has returned to the place where it dwells inside me, happy and content, I open my eyes. Blinking against the light, I take a few moments to glance around the room. Nothing has changed in the minute or so since my eyes have been closed, but I find it helpful to ground myself after using it a lot. It’s easy to get absorbed and forget who I am when holding that amount of power.
Luna stands beside me, giving me a few moments to return to myself before speaking. She’s been the only one helping me today, seeing as Madame Constance was called away to deal with an issue that occurred somewhere in Haven. My mates all give me space when I’m training so as not to distract me, so they are all currently in the sitting room. All, that is, except for Syn who refuses to leave. Even now, he’s watching from the corner of the room, his eyes heavy on my body.
