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“And added a touch of truffle oil.” She’s glowing as I devour a few more bites.
“Michelin Star well earned.” When she meets my eyes, I see part of the old her. “I’m so proud of you. Cooking really is your calling.”
“Just sucks how it was discovered.” Her voice wavers, and I see her guard begin to rise.
“Hey.” I place my hand over hers, and instead of flinching, she surprisingly releases a relaxed breath. “You know I’m a good listener.” I don’t want to push her, but keeping everything inside what has dimmed her light all these years. “I’m here if you want to talk.”
“It’s just, cooking doesn’t exactly fill the void of missing them anymore.” Her words rush out as she shakes her head. “That’s it. All I needed to say.”
“Maybe a new hobby would be helpful.” I give her hand a small squeeze, and she pulls hers back to rest them in her lap.
“Possibly.” She eyes the bottle of wine on the counter, but doesn’t go for it. “So, have youcompletelygiven up on casual hookups?”
Oh, we’re back to this?
“Pretty much,” I simply state.
“You’re a good guy and hot as hell, Ian.” My eyebrows raise, and she rolls her eyes. “Come on, you know how hot you are. You could easily have a girlfriend if you wanted.”
“Maybe the struggle is finding the right girl. The one I want to spend my life with.” Knowing the right girl is seated across from me if she was open to healing.
“Well, I’m used to getting a quick fix from whoever,whenever,” she shoots back with an attitude-filled tic of her head.
“Not as often as you’re trying to make me believe.” I look her straight in the eyes.
“Fine. Most recently, it’s been a good friend of mine. Sort of a friends-with-benefits thing, but there is absolutely no attraction to him outside of…you know.” A blush paints her cheeks.
“Now you’re too shy to say the word sex?” I laugh. “You and I had a great friendship, and chemistry. Imagine how great a relationship and sex would be with a partner who checks off all of the boxes.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she solidifies. “Couldn’t have happened.”
“You were–” I pause, trying to create the right explanation. “Youareso in tune with me, and this pull is undeniable. Back then, I couldn’t wrap my head around wanting to spend every second with you. I was supposed to want that withher.” I finish as Emery simply shrugs.
“That proves Hallie wasn’t meant to be with you.”
“And you were. You still are.” I say it as a statement, because even now, my frustration is in knowing I can help her castle walls crumble and bring back her sweet self. It’s just a matter of her allowing me to.
“I’m not meant for anyone. I’ll just fuck it up without even knowing.” Emery hides her pain with a forced smile. “Why did he even propose?” I open my mouth to reply, and she holds up a finger. “It doesn’t matter anyway. You don’t hook up, and that’s all my heart can handle.” Watching someone emotionally freeze in front of you, and remain this way years later, is more heartbreaking than I imagined.
“Do you want to talk about your engagement?” I can’t help myself. “What that guy pulled is not fucking fine.”
Her laugh is slightly unstable. “I wasn’t in love with him, not the way you hear Hallie gush about Justin, or my friend, Josie, so torn up about being on a break with her boyfriend. Ryan more so fit the bill with being in med school, and I know my parents would have approved of me marrying him.” Her blue eyes widen, but don’t hold any hurt like most eyes do when mentioning a breakup. “I mean, I’m not in the medical field, so he was my way of keeping medicine in the family, I guess.”
“You still invested time with him, and it ended. That part has to hurt.”
I need to know there’s a chance she’ll come back to me. That she’ll face what she hasn’t.
“I was annoyed and angry, over feeling hurt.” She shrugs, and I want to reach over, shaking her as I repeat that it’s okay to not be okay over and over. “Did ending things with Hallie hurt?”
“Hallie and I ended the relationship mutually. I’m sure you were informed.” She tenses at that, which confuses me. “We weren’t too torn up, but that’s a whole other story.”
“See? Less feelings, less heartache.” She picks up her glass of water tocheers. “I would know about that.”
“I want to love.” I pause, choosing my words carefully. “Even if we disagree on things, I know we will work through problems and ride the roller coaster together. I want someone to come home to and talk about our day. To listen as she tells me all about her day, as we cook dinner side by side. To hold her while she sleeps and kiss her sad moments away. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone.”
“I’m not alone.” Okay, my approach isn’t going the way I want. “When did you stop sleeping around?”
“After you disappeared without a trace, that’s how I spent the next few years.”
