Page 27 of Admittedly For Me


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“It wasn’t exactly without a trace, Ian.” Her defensive tone kicks in, and I can’t hold myself back from blurting out the question I still haven’t gotten answered.

“Why didn’t you say goodbye?” There’s a touch of desperation in my voice, longing for something to put this to rest. Her eyes bypass my lips and land on her plate.

“Partially because I didn’t trust myself around you again.” The words blurt out of her before she can stop them. “Hallie was dating you, and I hated myself for getting caught up in the moment. I was dealing with too many emotions at once and nearly stooped to a level I wouldn’t have recovered from.” I’m still pissed about how that night played out. I had wanted to kiss her too.

"You were going through a lot,” I try to justify with a soft voice. With Hallie and I having an agreement to keep things normal for Emery, I had to stand by my girlfriend at the time. And Emery was too vulnerable to kiss. “Our chemistry was undeniable.”

“But the timing wasn’t.” Annoyance raises in her tone, and I feel her pain. “I had to get away from this town. Away from you.” As her voice breaks to a near whisper, I want to cup her face, kissing her pain away.

“Thank you for being honest with me.” She holds my gaze, even as her teeth find her bottom lip with nerves.

“Well, you did go out of your way to build me a dessert stand.” I’d do anything just to watch her smile and enjoy life.

“Anything for you, Daisy Girl.” Her body relaxes further into the chair. “How long are you here for?” Watching her sit up straighter, I know I’ve asked the wrong question. Walls are rising, once again.

“Only two more weeks until I’m back in the kitchen.” Her chipper voice fills the room and reminds me that I should have followed through with my planfouryears ago. “Leaving this month as only a memory.”

“Why escape?”

“It’s not escaping.” She eyes me carefully, but I let it go as I stand to collect our plates.

“I’m glad you’re back. Even if it’s for now. It’s nice to know you’re enjoying your job and arehealinghow you see fit.” The last part is a lie, but I’m trying to sweeten her up.

“Thanks,” she says, shutting down the conversation completely. “I also have cupcakes.” There’s a damn sparkle in her eyes as she talks about food, and I feel my lips mimicking her smile. “I’m torn between two, so you’ll have to tell me your favorite.” Emery pulls her hair to the side of her shoulder.This little devil doesn’t even know she’s exposing my weakness. The nape of her neck and collarbone are on full display, tempting me to press my lips to the tender spot of her neck.

She’s the deadliest poison, masked with a look of innocence.

“Honesty is my specialty.”

“Respectable trait,” she whispers, giving me a side eye.

“Hallie knew.” My admittance drops the fork in her hand, and snaps her full attention to me.

“Knew what?”How obvious the chemistry between you and I was.

“How you and I felt about each other.” Her mouth forms a perfect little ‘O’ shape as she avoids my eyes.

“It’s been briefly brought to my attention.” She leans against the counter. “So, she broke up with you then?” I walk over to her, and her arms cross against her chest. I wonder why Hallie hasn’t given Emery the full details yet.

“Not really. She just…” I search for the right words. “She wanted the same energy we had. The carefree playfulness. The banter. For her own eyes to look at me the same way yours did.”

“I don’t think I’ve looked at you any differently than now.”

“Exactly.” I grin, leaning forward. “Hallie wanted her and I to feel as connected and comfortable, the way me and you had from the first time we met at The Painted Pony.”

“She never told me why you two ended.” I can’t read her. “But I also never gave her the opportunity.”

“Your parents died shortly before we had that conversation. She wanted to keep things as normal as they could be for you. Not deal with her going through a breakup when you thought the relationship was going well. But we were pretty much just friends.” She remains quiet, so I continue on. “We had planned to publicly end things at the start of her university semester. So you and I would have a chance to see where life took us, but then you vanished.”

“So, you two were basically over the night I almost kissed you?” A mix of hurt and anger fills her voice. “That would have been the time for Hallie and you to tell me before I left town.”

“I thought maybe you were caught up in the moment of trying to forget your pain than actually wanting to be all in with me. You were young.” I didn’t want one night with Emery. I wanted them all. “Why else would you not tell me you were leaving or say goodbye?”

“Because, even if I did feel a connection with you, I wouldn’t do that to Hallie.” The pitch in her voice squeezes as she bites her bottom lip. “With or without her blessing.” She releases a heavy breath and looks down at her fiddling fingers. “Plus, I didn’t want to be another burden.” She’s fighting emotion as her cheeks suck in. “Your dad deserved more attention after his heart attack than I did.”

“I love how respectful you were about that. You deserved attention too, though.” I debate about cupping her face, but it might be too soon to trigger tears. “Things are different now with him gone, but my feelings aren’t,” I say as she scoffs a laugh, taking the opportunity to deflect feelings.

“Right. You’ve held on to something you’ve never had after five years.” Now's the time to hit with more truth.

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