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“Look, you can hate me. I leaned in and he didn’t.” I’m talking at ultrasonic speed and cannot be stopped. “I snapped out of the moment really fast and didn’t see him again after.” I pause to let that sink in, heart thundering. “I didn’t see him until I spotted him in Aspen a year later and he left without saying hello.”
“Savannah and I were nervous to tell you he was coming.” My heart pinches, and I can’t breathe as I listen to them.
“You knew and didn’t tell me.” I want to be annoyed with girl code, but I nearly broke it.
“Yeah, Em. Even right now, we are nervous you’ll spiral and do something crazy.” Savannah’s phone dings across the room.
“When he came back from Aspen, he was heartbroken––yes, more heartbroken over you than ending things with me—I figured maybe I readyoursigns wrong.” Hallie sighs. “So I stopped mentioning you guys to each other.”
“This. All of this ends now.” I look at both of them, shaking my head. “Tell me things directly. Savannah, I know you’ve been talking to Ian. He should have texted me if he really cared.” My annoyance spikes. “But if you must know, he was one of the main reasons I left. For the sake of our friendship. I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t know if it was something I was building up because I didn’t want to be a shitty friend. I needed to keep you as friends, and the only way that seemed fit was out of Beechwood Falls.”
“I get it.” Savannah sighs.
“It hurt losing my parents, and Ian was by my side. Thank you, Hallie, for having Ian be by my side. But his dad washisperson, and Ian deserved to give his dad all the time he had. I couldn’t be a burden to him. I wanted his father to be his full attention.” I also couldn’t watch Ian own up and face the hurt as I sat there burning my throat with alcohol. Seeing Ian in pain was something that my heart just couldn’t stand. My wound had already started to go numb, and I didn’t want it reopened. “It was selfish of me to leave without much notice. I’ll admit that.”
“We are here for you,” Savannah chimes in with support, but I’m still stuck on her and Ian’s conversation.
“You ran from hurt and problems instead of letting us all come together and help.” Hallie wipes a tear. “I worried you’d become so detached and never find happiness, when I had it lined up for you.”
“Do you hear yourself?” My defense kicks in again. “You don’t determine happiness based on a guy, Hallie.”
“Fine. Dating or not, you don’thaveto be alone when you have people to help. Remember when I lost my favorite aunt in the seventh grade? I could have spent the summer hanging out and drinking the pain away at The Falls with the older teens. But no, you and Savannah held me and spent that summer letting me choose every fun activity. I was a mess. But you two were by my side with that cheesy joke book, trying to keep me laughing.” I feel my smile grow, remembering how lame the jokes were. But they worked. “Healing was better with people there for me.” My stomach flips with the rapid beats of my heart.
“I get it, okay? I was scared and ran. But I’m happy with life now.” Mostly.
“You didn’t let us be there for you,” Savannah states as we hear her phone go off.“Ian was the only one who could bring a smile to your face.”
My tears have stopped, and Savannah’s phone buzzes again. I swear it’s like he knows we’re talking about him.
“I’m not touching it anymore,” Savannah promises as Hallie and I both glance toward it.
“I appreciate you girls looking out for me. I’m happy, but I know I could be happier. I’ll work on me when I get back to Aspen.” I smile, taking a breath, feeling a bit of weight lift off my shoulders. “How should we spend the rest of the evening?”
Savannah pushes to her knees in excitement. “Let’s all get tattoos.” Hallie and I roll our eyes.
“I don’t even know what I’d get.” Hallie shakes her head.
“Easy. Each of us resemble a flower.” I remember the day we all laid in the field as kids, reading about the different types of flowers and which one each of us fit best.
“Sit your sunflower ass down because no one is pricking me with a needle. Ever.” I toss a cream puff at her and stare a little too long at it as Ian and I flash through my mind. I can’t help it, thinking about beinghisDaisy Girl. Maybe I could make things work for Ian and I one day. But first, I need to talk to him about texting me instead of my friends. “If only meditation would speed up this healing process...” I don’t mean to say out loud.
“That’s not therapy, Emery.” Hallie gives my hand a squeeze. I nod, and turn on the TV.
Fine.I’ll look into getting actual help when I return to Aspen.
“I love you girls.” Savannah hugs both Hallie and I. “Our little mama looks tired, though.” We smile at Hallie, who yawns and hasn’t eaten much.
“I’m tired and nauseous.” She shrugs. “Can we all cuddle up and watch an old rom-com like we did growing up?”
“That sounds perfect.” I don’t remember how the movie ends, as my mind has my fingers itching to type ‘self-help’ and ‘therapy locations’ into the search engine on my phone. But at the same time, I don’t need my friends catching a glimpse at the screen and asking questions. I’ve had more than enough attention on my issues today.
Chapter18
Ian
A car doorslams with more force than needed, turning mine and the crew’s attention to the tiny figure storming over to us.She’s pissed. It’s a look I’ve never seen her wear, and she’s trying to cover it up with a smile. But it’s an unstable one.
“Mr. Wells.” Emery singles me out, but holds a professional tone. “May I speak to you, please?” The crew continues to lay tile, but I feel their side-eyes.
