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The grief.
"Everyone has a story."Seth's words run on repeat.
* * *
Derick (Father)
The last time I was this nervous was the first day I held my son in my arms. He wrapped his tiny hand around my finger. I choke back a sob from the memory of his birth and the loss that came with his death.
My head jerks up to see my beautiful, strong daughter's eyes full of concern. She takes on other's emotions as if they were her own.
I rise to my feet and wipe the sweat from my hands down my slacks. "Hi, doodlebug."
Her face crumbles, and she falls apart before me. I rush to her side, take her into my arms, and walk her back to the couch. Scar is my little girl; the bond we shared was one I thought nothing could break until it did.
Scar quietly sobs in my arms as I rock her back and forth on the couch. A couch I spent years on with my family. A family I tore apart because of one drunken night—a night I cannot recall. Because of this horrible mistake, my son is dead. His death caused my daughter's life to spiral, almost costing me her life. Scar sniffles and pulls away from me, but not with disdain. That small action slowly repairs the hurt oozing from my veins.
She looks up at me with a half-smile.
I return it.
"Hi," she says in a strained whisper.
She sits farther from me with her back against the armrest, tucking her legs underneath her. "Mom said you wanted to talk." She wipes the wetness from her face.
I thought about how to start this conversation that has been building up since our world imploded.
I clear my throat. "That night, our firm lost the first big case in over twelve years," I start as I continuously rub my hands down my thighs. "As a result, we all went to cry about it over drinks. By the end of the night, we were all pretty trashed. We ended up calling an Uber for a ride home. When I walked outside and waited for my ride..." I swallow bile filled with regret and shame.
Scar shifts uncomfortably in her seat.
"The next thing I knew, I was walking into someone's apartment. I didn't realize until the next day that it belonged to Tiffany. All I remember was closing my eyes and my head falling back onto something soft.”
I feel like I'm dying inside when I think about what I woke up to and withwhom.I have never felt so disgusted in my life. I glance at my daughter to make sure it is safe to continue.
Her face is emotionless. It's as if she has practiced how to hide her pain her whole life. What happened to my baby girl? That's a conversation for another day. I need to get through this horrible memory for me and my daughter to repair what has been broken for five years. I lost precious years, and I am not going to waste any more.
"When I woke up, Tiffany was—" I swallow another ball of regret. How can I say the following words to my daughter without feeling like I will burn as if acid is tearing me apart? I close my eyes when I tell the rest of the story, not wanting to see the disgust on my daughter's face.
"We were both naked." I shudder at the memory.
Scar gasps in shock, but I can't look at her now.
I woke up to a naked woman who was not my wife. I panicked, praying I didn't fuck up my marriage, my family, and my children because of the alcohol that was running through my veins. But my nightmare was a reality, and I died when Seth walked in.
As I was lost in my thoughts, Scar finished the story by adding, "And that's when Seth walked into the room."
I will never forget the look on my son's face.
"How…wha…why?" My baby's face is in anguish.
"I don’t know how or why it happened.”
Scar contorted her face in anger, and she abruptly stood up from the couch as she started to pace back and forth.
I clear my throat and continue. "After the incident, I tried to wrap my head around the whole situation because I would never have cheated on your mother, nor would I ever have an affair with your brother's girlfriend. But I had no proof of anything because I was drunk and didn't remember what happened. Not until after your brother's death."
Scar stops pacing and just stares at me with so much hate, but for once, I know it is not directed at me.
