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"So, what's he like?" Shaun asks about his grandfather while I help him get ready.
"Well, he was a fun dad. He would take your uncle Seth and me on boat rides and carnivals."
Ever since Shaun was born, I have shown him pictures of me and Seth as children and of Seth when he was older. I want him to know him, even if he is just a photo memory. I try to keep Seth alive in our minds and hearts. I don’t want him to be forgotten. Every time I look at those pictures, I can't help but feel the weight of Seth's absence. Keeping Seth's memory alive is my way of holding onto the past, and the bond we shared. I refuse to let Seth fade into the past, and I'll do whatever it takes to ensure that he remains a cherished part of our family's story.
Shaun looked up at me with a curious expression. "Mom, what was Seth like when he was alive?" he asked.
I felt a sudden pang of nostalgia in my chest and took a deep breath before turning to look at a picture of my brother and me. It was taken a few summers before he passed away by the poolside, with twist cones in our hands and wide grins on our faces.
"He was the best brother anyone could ever ask for," I said, my voice filled with warmth. "Always looking out for me, no matter what."
As I reminisced about Seth, my face lit up with joy. "He had the most incredible sense of humor," I chuckled. "He could turn any frown upside down and make us all laugh, even during the hardest times."
My smile faded slightly as I continued, my voice growing softer. "But he was also incredibly kind and caring. He'd go out of his way to help others, always putting their needs before his own."
I looked at Shaun, my heart swelling with love. "Just like you," I said, gently tapping his nose.
Shaun's face lit up with a smile. "Do you think if Uncle Seth was here, he would have liked me?"
I placed my hands on his warm cheeks. In a tender voice, I said, "He would've loved you." My words were filled with warmth and tenderness as I leaned forward and playfully kissed his cheek, creating a popping sound.
He let out a small chuckle. "Mom," he whines.
Just then, the doorbell rings, causing us both to jump.
Shaun perks up and says, "He's here!"
I laugh. "Okay, but first, Grandpa and I have to talk, and then I'll bring you out to meet him, okay?"
Shaun's smile fades, and he tilts his head, watching me. "Is he going to make you sad? I don't want you to be sad."
I reach down and pull him into a hug. "Maybe," I admit.
Shaun quickly pulls away, and his eyes fill with concern.
"Oh, sweetheart, I didn't mean the way it sounds. It's been a while since I've spoken with him, and I honestly, I miss him."
It's the truth.
Despite his mistake, I still remember the good times we shared as a little girl. His warm hugs, the trips to the Christmas farm, and the unwavering love and protection he always provided are all imprinted in my mind. Even though our relationship has been strained in the last few years, I still yearned for those moments of solace with my father.
"So, happy-sad?" he asks innocently.
"Exactly." I kiss the tip of his nose.
"Honey," Mom calls before she knocks on Shaun's door. She peeks in and smiles when she sees us. "Oh, my. Don't you look handsome." Mom coos.
Shaun is wearing tan slacks and a blue-gray sweater with a hoodie, making his blue eyes shine even more. His hair is washed and parted to the side, and he's wearing the best smile. With his hands on his hips, he grins at his grandma.
"Are you ready?" Mom asks me.
I nod, hug Shaun, and walk to the living room. When I turn the corner, I see Dad sitting on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees. I didn't pay that much attention the first time he stopped by. Today, he looks like worn-out leather…defeated. His dark brown hair is shorter and has more gray strands. I take a few steps in his direction, and his head snaps up.
And that's when I see it.
The pain.
The regret.
