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I don’t deserve to be saved.
My crew had taken me to a town an hour away so I could recover from my attack. That was where we’d been the past several days. The seizure had been a sign I needed to get back on the meds Xabier’s uncle, a doctor in Mexico, had given me. The pills had been to manage the tumor’s growth, which had been slowly growing and was treatableifI took my meds. Untreated, the fucker put pressure on the front lobe of my cerebrum, which caused my headaches, seizures, and behavioral problems, like aggression andmemory loss.
It had taken a lot of convincing by Xabier and Keeno to let them take me to Mexico for medical treatment after I’d collapsed when we’d attacked my sperm donor’s clubhouse. I’d tried to tell my friends that bikers never went to doctors, but they hadn’t given up on me, and I guess I was grateful.
After my diagnosis, I’d fallen into a dark place, not caring if I lived or died… preferring to die. I hadn’t remembered who the guys were, where I was, or why I wasn’t in South Dakota. That was when Irisah had stepped in tohelp. She’d told me I had to get well and fight the cancer for our son, Cole. To hear I had a child had changed my attitude.
For the following year, I lived in Mexico, and Irisah would bringour sonto visit me once a month. That little guy had sustained me and motivated me to beat the fucking tumor in my head.
But there had been many unanswered questions and a mountain of confusion. Being with Irisah and Cole had never felt quite right. There’d been a constant uneasiness in my soul that had never made sense. I’d felt like a part of me was missing.
Maybe I shouldn’t have hated Irisah as much as I did. She’d given me a reason to get well, but it had all been based on lies. She’d used my condition to her fucking advantage and had kept me from Ella and my real son. Ella’s boy was mine, and soon I’d have the paternity test results as proof.
I shook my head as I parked my truck and watched Ella’s house. There was no way I could ever forgive Irisah for lying about us being together and Cole being my child. No fucking way I could let that go. She’d known all along who Ella was and how much she’d meant to me. That bitch had fucked with all of our lives out of selfishness.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten before I blew a gasket. My meds were working, and I hadn’t had a headache in eighteen hours, so we’d returned to Scornrock earlier this evening. I couldn’t go another minute without seeing Ella and my boy. I was still furious with her and wanted to punish her for giving up on me and fucking other men, but I was trying to be reasonable.
It wasn’t lost on me that I could die if I didn’t take care of myself. I could also die walking to Ella’s front door, trip on a rock and smash my head on the ground before she knew what had kept me from returning to her.
Tonight, I would make her listen. I let myself in like the other nights, after one in the morning. Ella would have no choice, and hopefully, we could start over. I doubted we could pick up where we’d left off five years ago.
My first stop was the boy’s room. I wouldn’t call him Nevada, not even think it, and would soon put an end to the bullshit Vegas had started. I didn’t understand why he’d betrayed me or kept me in the dark about Ella being a club girl. But I’d find out soon enough and he’d pay, along with the rest of them.
I stared in awe at the little guy and memorized his face. The shape of our noses was similar, and he snored like me. My chest squeezed as I ran my fingers through his wavy brown hair. He was a cute kid. From what I could tell during our brief encounters, he was also intelligent, like his mother.
I kissed his head and froze, wishing I could tell him I was his dad.
Why the fuck couldn’t I?
“I don’t care what your momma says,” I whispered, with my hand lightly on his chest. His heartbeat was strong, and he didn’t stir. “I’m your dad. Even though we don’t know each other, I love you, son. I promise to fix the broken pieces of our family and make us whole. Starting with your mother.” I kissed his forehead and left.
I entered Ella’s bedroom and stood there like a dumb fuck, not knowing what to do. She was so beautiful and mine, yet I wasn’t sure how to be with her.
What if the tumor was the beginning of the end? I could get other types of cancers and die, then she’d have to go on without me for a second time. How could I do that to her? Wouldn’t she be better off finding someone else to have a long, happy life with?
No, she’s mine, and I will never give her up.
It might sound selfish, but nobody could have Ella Hill, only me.
I touched her silky locks and pressed my lips to her temple, inhaling her into my lungs.
She hummed and turned toward me.
I stilled, hoping she woke up, and in my next breath, I prayed she didn’t. I wanted to be caught, then I didn’t want to be.
She continued to sleep, so I moved in and sealed my lips to hers because why the fuck not? Playing games was for pussies. Life was too fucking short.
I spread her lips apart and slipped my tongue into her mouth to tango with hers.
She moaned, then her eyes flashed open, and her hands pushed on my chest. “No. Stop.”
“Never.” I climbed atop her and pinned her against the mattress. I collected her wrists into one of my hands and put my other between her legs. “You’re mine, Ella.”
“Rocky? Is that you? This isn’t a dream?”
“I’m here,” I said through my kisses.
“Oh, my God! Get off me!” She thrashed under me. “Stop!”
