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“You’re not staying.”
“Fucking hell, Ella. Why are you ruining the moment?”
“What moment? You’re only allowed to come and fuck me, then leave. It’s after two in the morning. I need to sleep before my son wakes up.”
He growled low in his throat and threw the flowers on the bed.
“Don’t do this, Rocky. I agreed to sleep with you, but we are not back together.”
“Yes, we are.” His arms wrapped around me and held me tightly against his muscular body. “We fucking are together, and it’s time you accepted it.”
“I told you. Tomcat said to keep the act up so Vegas thinks I will marry him.”
“I know what you told me. And I haven’t said to stop pretending with Vegas. But I want to be us again when I’m with you.”
“But we aren’t, and we may never be us again.” My own words slayed me.
“I won’t accept that.” He swept me off my feet and carried me to the bed. “Whatever we have to do to repair what I broke, I want to start now.”
My heart fluttered, but I shut down my ridiculous excitement. Too many what-ifs were still a threat to my emotional well-being.
“Let’s talk shit out.” He sat on my bed with his back against the pillows and me on his lap. He grabbed the whiskey, twisted off the cap, and put it to my lips. “Drink.”
“No.” Whiskey fucked me up. It was like a truth serum, very dangerous. I wouldn’t be able to hold anything back or resist Rocky.
“I’m not playing, Ella. Take a drink, or I will pour it down your goddamn throat. I’m fucking tired of you keeping me at a distance. Let me the fuck back in.”
I snatched the bottle and took a small sip. “Happy?”
“It’s a start.” He took a long swig and put it back on the nightstand. “Tell me about your parents.”
“There’s nothing to tell. They’re dead, but I’m guessing you know that.”
“Vegas told me. But I want to hear it from you.”
“I don’t know anything more than Vegas. The police called it a crime of passion.” I shifted on his lap and straddled him. If we were going to talk, I needed to occupy myself, so I reached for the pie and fork and ate. “The janitor discovered them the morning after New Year’s Day. I’d been so lost in my own misery and depression because I hadn’t heard from you that I didn’t notice they hadn’t come home from church.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.” He caressed my cheek. “How’d you find out about them?”
“Vegas came to my house and took me to the hospital.” I forked a bite and fed it to him. “I guess the club has an informant who called him.”
“We do. And your mom never woke from her coma?”
“No. I never got to tell her about the baby, never got to tell her I was sorry for telling her about my dad cheating on her. It’s my fault they’re dead. They wouldn’t have fought if I’d kept my mouth shut, and he wouldn’t have killed himself.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“It’s not your fault.” He gripped the back of my neck and pulled me toward him. “Your dad had been unfaithful multiple times. He disgraced your mother, you, and his church.”
“But I’m the one who told her!” I tried to get off his lap, but he wouldn’t let me. “I want you to leave. I want to be alone.”
“No, baby. We need this. You need this.”
“What I need is for you to give me space. You also cheated. And right now, all I can think about is you fucking someone else.” I was so close to bawling there on his lap. Why wouldn’t he just listen to me? If he didn’t leave right this second, I’d fall apart. And I didn’t want him to see me weak.
“I’m not going.” He gritted his teeth. “I did cheat on you, but I wasn’t in my right mind. You can hate me all you want, Ella, but I didn’t know I was cheating. But you did.”
“I hate you!” I slapped him across the face. “Get out of my house before I call Tomcat. Or before I kill you, you arrogant son of a bitch!” My fucking tears dripped down my face.
He wasn’t wrong about me knowing what I was doing, and it hurt so much to hear him call me out. But it was so unfair of him to accuse me like that. So he hadn’t known what he was doing, good for him. It still broke me, despite the tumor in his head being why he hadn’t returned. It had been nearly two years since he’d left before I became a club girl. What had he expected me to do? I needed to provide for my baby.
