AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Is that far?”
“Yup.”
“Have you been to Texas before?” Rockson loved to talk and ask a lot of questions. He got that from me,nothis father.
“Nope, never made it that far south.”
“What’s south?”
“A direction. There’s north, south, east, and west.”
“What direction are we going now?”
“West.” I pointed in the opposite direction. “And that way is east. If you look out your window, that way is north, and out my window is south.”
“What direction do we go to find my daddy?”
I squeezed the steering wheel as I parked in front of our single-wide trailer, then stared out the window. Rockson wouldn’t stop asking about his dad. Now that he’d opened the discussion, the only way to shut him up about it was for him to meet Rocky. Or for me to lie and say something hurtful, like his dad didn’t want him or he was dead.
It would kill me to break my son’s heart. But the truth was Rocky had abandoned me… abandoned Rockson and me. How could I tell him such a horrible thing? I couldn’t.
Deflect, deflect, deflect.“Don’t you think the front yard needs flowers? Maybe you and I should plant some.” Not that I had money to spend on nonessentials. Money had always been tight for me after Rockson was born. Vegas provided the extras, but it should be me.
“I love to plant things.”
“I know you do.” It appeared we were on to a new topic. Thank God. I had no idea where Rocky had settled after he’d left Scornrock. He wouldn’t tell me the one and only time I had spoken to him. All he’d said wastrust me. But I couldn’t, not after hearing a woman with him. So in return,I didn’t repeat that I was pregnant. If I’d meant so much to him, he would’ve discovered I was pregnant when he returned to me, but that never happened.
Somehow I needed to get control of my life and get Rockson out of South Dakota. My son deserved better. He was innocent, inquisitive, and impressionable.Observant. He could go to college and have a career. Be an astronaut. A doctor. Rockson could be anything he wanted, just not a biker. If he became a Hell’s Bells MC member, it would break my heart.
“Mom! Mommy, can you hear me?” Rockson’s crying shook me out of my stupid obsessive thoughts. “I need to pee!”
“Oh, buddy. I’m sorry. I was thinking about something.” I got out of the car, ran to his side, and frantically unhooked his buckle. If he wet his pants, the whole weekend would be ruined.
“Hurry,” he whimpered. “It’s coming.”
“Got it.” I took him out and ran to the front door with him in my arms. “I’m sorry.” I unlocked the bolt and rushed inside.
“You were ignoring me.”
“I wasn’t, baby. I promise I wasn’t ignoring you.” I tugged his sweatpants to his ankles and put him on the toilet seat to do his business. My chest ached, and familiar doubts crept into my soul.You’re messing him up, Ella. You’re not good enough to be his mother.“Are you okay now?”
“Mhm.” A giant tear rolled down his cheek. He didn’t believe me; nothing hurt more than knowing that truth.
“I’ll be right back.” I wanted to run and hide, but I was the only reliable adult in his life. I was all he had, and he was all I had. “I’m going to get the pie and groceries, okay?”
“Okay.” He sniffled and wiped his face. “Don’t forget to order the pizza.”
“I won’t, buddy. I promise.” I left, feeling like the worst mother in the world for not hearing him. And then for him to remind me about ordering the pizza? He just had to go there. It’d happened a few times. Once, after a club party—attending them was a necessary evil as a club girl—and I had been hungover. I hated my life and what I’d become. Getting drunk off my butt and the members’ attention had been a welcomed distraction. However, they also made me a horrible mother. Another time, I’d fallen into a weeklong depression. I guessed I was unreliable to my kid.
Rocky Jones couldn’t control me anymore. I had to move on and forget him before my son hated me and wished he had a different mother. I’d experienced similar feelings with my dad; now that he was gone, I felt guilty for not forgiving him. Before I discovered he’d been cheating on my mom, I had admired and loved him. He’d been a good dad. It was me who’d been a horrible daughter, and I couldn’t continue being awful. I needed to be better for Rockson.
Rockywas never coming back.
He probably had a new woman. Maybe married and had a kid.
Hatred pumped through my heart. It should’ve been me.
Motorcycles pulled up behind me. Again, I was lost in my stupid thoughts and hadn’t heard them coming. I turned around and flashed a fake smile.
