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Ellassandra Hill owned my heart, soul, and cock.
22
Ella
Every night, Rockson said his prayers before bed. Seeing him on his knees with his eyes closed, his little hands pressed together, melted my heart.
Despite the hypocrisy in the church I’d grown up in—or my fornicating father—I hadn’t stopped believing in a higher power, believing in God.
Without Rocky or my mom around to support me once I’d had Rockson, I’d been praying to God more than ever. He had answered some of my prayers but not the one that had meant the most to me:send Rocky home.
I’d given up hope years ago but should’ve known God’s timing wasn’t mine.
Losing the love of my life had made me a bitter, vengeful, and angry woman. I wasn’t the same person Rocky had known. I used to be fun and carefree, the light in his dark universe. His cheerleader and biggest supporter. His depraved little slut and his everything.
I would’ve followed Rocky anywhere, loved and comforted him through his worst days, and celebrated the good ones. But I guessed he hadn’t loved me as much as I’d loved him.
Stop it, Ella. Don’t be an angsty bitch. It’s been three hours since you saw Rocky, and he’s already brought you to your knees. Fuck him.
I nodded and pulled myself away from the edge of damnation. Rocky Jones was hell on earth—a heartless, selfish psychopath who was only back to claim his birthright as president of the Hell’s Bells MC. He wanted to be king and ruler of everyone in Scornrock, including me, but not because he gave a damn about me. Rocky was only thinking of himself and power-tripping.
“Fuck!” I hit my fist on the doorframe. What would I do when Rocky became president? Would he force me to have sex with him? What if he found out about Rockson?
“You said a bad, bad word, Mommy!”
I swooped my gaze at Rockson. “Buddy, I’m so sorry.”
“Why’d you yell the F-word?”
“I have a lot on my mind is all.” I went to him and rubbed his back. “Are you finished with your prayers?”
“Just one more thing.”
“Okay, continue.”
“God, please forgive my mom’s potty mouth. Amen.” He crawled onto his bed and shimmied under the covers. “You should have a spoonful of Tabasco. It helps me when I say a bad word.”
Mercy, I was the worst mother on the planet. “Yes, buddy. I’ll do just that.” I kissed his forehead. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”
“Mhm. And I love you too. More than anything and anyone. Well, except God.”
Oh, my heart.“See you in the morning, buddy. Sweet dreams.” I prayed he never lost his innocence. But I wasn’t ignorant of the evils in the world or the Reaper that Rocky had talked about. I would do anything to keep my son safe, including lying about his biological father.
“Sweet dreams, Mommy. Good night.” He smiled and shut his eyes.
I closed his door behind me and went out to the living room. Maybe Tomcat would let me name him as the father.
No, stupid. Rockson is too old to be Tomcat’s child, or any other member for that matter. Unless you want Rocky to believe you cheated on him right after he left town…
It could’ve been a one-night stand following Rocky’s phone call on Valentine’s. I had truly been devastated and distraught. Anyone could attest to my mental and emotional state. My life had unraveled. I’d had no one to depend on—no reason to live.
If it hadn’t been for Vegas, Rockson and I wouldn’t be here today…
Why was I hearing beeping and a whooshing sound in heaven? Maybe I had gone to hell instead. That would be my luck. Nothing good had ever happened to me.
Except this time, I deserved to suffer in the inferno of hell. God should keep me in purgatory and never allow me through the gates of heaven, never forgive me for ending my life and my baby’s.
“Ella, wake up.”
