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“No, Dad, you won. You got what you wanted. I swear to God I will never allow another to get close to me again. I kept him a secret from everyone because I wanted to fool myself into thinking that I could be different. I was wrong to do that because I am proud of who the fuck I am, and guess what? He was fucking proud of who I am as well. You have my word, I will never betray the family again. I will remain loyal and serve Royal and do everything that is expected of me. I’m sorry for putting a stain against your name with the family for falling in love with the wrong person. I promise you, I will never shame you again.” The tears in his eyes don’t deter me. I turn my back on my father and leave my room. Sure enough I find Havoc, Chaos and Royal all sitting on the floor opposite my room looking up at me with pained expressions. “Who’s getting in the ring with me first?”
* * *
For five days I have managed to avoid my dad and having a conversation alone with Royal. Unlike my aunt and uncle, my parents refused to go home until they knew I was okay. Despite me reassuring my mother that I am perfectly fine and feeling like my old self, she just smiled and said they were staying. It’s driving me insane with my dad hovering. Even when I’m in the makeshift ring–the backyard—sparring with the guys, he just stands there and watches. It pisses me off when he throws out suggestions and tries to critique my technique.
I’ve thrown myself into work. So far in a matter of days, we have managed to get rid of four wannabe gangs, two others were allowed to stay as long as they cut us in on the profits and agreed to work for us. It is going to take time for us to gain total control of Miami. TheMemento Moriis already beginning to spread throughout the state. On top of that, I have also been searching for Halil. He was supposed to have made contact for our meeting but hasn’t. Chaos has remained here with us to try help us find this fucker. He is the best hacker out of the four of us.
“I’m out, my eyes are going fucking crossed,” Chaos whines. I peer at him from the corner of my eye.
“We haven’t found him yet,” I snap.
He stands from the sofa, then places his laptop on the side table. He looks across from us to see his twin brother sprawled out, sleeping with his mouth open. Chaos shoots me a wink before he heads up to bed. I’d rather stay here and keep searching than go to my room. Every time I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking about Kacey. He hasn’t texted or called, and there is no fucking way I would ever reach out to him. It’s nearly three in the morning when Royal strolls into the living room, wearing only his sleep shorts. He frowns at me.
“Why are you still up?” I focus back on my laptop as I answer him.
“Unlike you guys, I want to find Halil and put an end to this shit rather than drag it out.” He ignores me as he crosses the room and wakes Havoc. The bastard lies and says he was just resting his eyes before stumbling out of the room to head upstairs. Royal drops into the seat Havoc just vacated. I feel his eyes on me and try my best to ignore it, but after a while the pressure of his gaze becomes too much. “What?” I snap as I like my head and scowl at him.
He reclines further back into his chair, lazily draping his arm over the back of the couch. “Why are you avoiding me?”
I fight the urge not to flee the room. I fucking hate talking about feelings and he knows this. “I’m not,” I lie.
“Chanel, every time I enter a room you leave it. The only time you speak to me is when someone is around, why?”
“You’re reading way too much into this,” I deflect.
“I am not, so cut the shit and tell me why the fuck you are avoiding me.” The confusion is clear on his face. Fuck it, may as well be honest with him.
“Because I don’t know what to say to you.”
“What does that mean?”
I slam the lid of my laptop and chuck it on the seat beside me. “It means, I don’t know what the fuck to say to you. I am fucking disgusted with myself for how I behaved and lashed out at you. I hate that I allowed someone to have such power over me to break me in half. I hate that you saw me at my lowest point and I fucking hate that I can’t get over this ache in my chest that makes it hard for me to breathe becauseheisn’t here.” I’m panting and breathless from blurting that all out. Royal doesn’t look at me with pity like I expected, he just stares at me with understanding.
“You saw me at my lowest, Sin.” I scoff, he ignores me and continues. “When I thought Erika was a rat I allowed you and Aunt Koby to hurt the woman I love. Watching that shit broke me and tore me the fuck up inside. Unlike you, I was fucking weak and allowed my loyalty to this family cloud my judgment. Because of that loyalty, Erika paid the price. You were strong and let the man you love live. You are not weak, Chanel. You re the strongest fucking person I know, and the fact you allowed me to be there for you in your most vulnerable moment is an honor. I would never betray you by holding any of the shit you said and did over your head.” I hang my head in shame feeling like utter shit.
“I never should have hit you, Royal.”
He snorts, drawing my gaze back to him. The big baby rubs his jaw, earning an eye roll from me. “You pack a fucking mean right hook.” We both laughed at that.
“I pack a better kick.” He forces a shudder out.
“Don’t I know it.” I laugh, it feels good to laugh and banter with him, I’ve missed this. Once our laughter dies out, silence ensues. It’s not awkward, but it is filled with a slight tension. “Do you really love him?” he asks quietly.
The breath rushes out of my lungs and I slouch back into the sofa. “I do,” I say barely above a whisper.
“Love makes you do fucked up shit, Sin.”
“Love makes you weak. I will never allow that shit to affect me again. Love nearly made me lose my family.”
He shakes his head. “Love didn’t make you weak, it sure as hell hasn’t weakened me. With Erika by my side, I feel like I can conquer the world and the best part is, Sin, each night I get to come home to her and know there is someone just for me. You loving Kacey forced you to stand on your own without me. You sought vengeance for his brother and you did that shit on your own.”
I mull over his words, trying to think back on a time previously that I had done shit without him and the twins, but come up blank. The four of us have always been a unit. College, we did that shit together. Starting our own family, we did that together. Everything I have done has been with them. Maybe he is right. I did go out and find a trail for Kacey to follow, I didn’t need Royal or the twins. Did love really make me stronger?
“You know he has been texting me every day?” His revelation has my mouth parting. “He checks in to make sure you’re okay. No matter how many times I tell him to fuck off and die, he keeps messaging.”
“Just block his number,” I sourly reply, hating that he can message Royal but not me!
“I would, but he is actually proving useful and helping us track down Halil. He even managed to slip you some keys apparently and according to Kacey, the best time to get into Quintin’s office is when we manage to secure a meet with Halil.”
