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“You make me happy,” the words slip from my lips without me even needing to think about them because they’re true.
Conor smiles at me and my racing heart starts to settle. “Good,mo bhanphrionsa,” he purrs, “I only want to ever make you happy.”
He gives me a pointed look before getting out of the car, coming around to my side, and helping me out. The frigid air seems to pull me out of the depth of my worry. Or maybe it’s the strong, solid force of the man at my side that does it. Either way, I’m grateful.
Declan didn’t raise me to be meek and to let life knock me down. I’m not going to allow him to do it either. There have been countless times over the years when I’ve had to fight him so he would listen to me and give me the freedom I needed and craved.
Is this really any different?
When I let us in the front door, the hushed voices in the living room immediately stop and I swallow hard to get it past the lump forming in my throat. Conor doesn’t waver as he leads me right into the room.
Declan’s gaze immediately goes to the way Conor’s hand is resting on my back and he arches an eyebrow. My feet are killing me, and I desperately want to get my pajamas on, but there’s no way I’m leaving the room until this is resolved. I follow Conor’s lead until we’re sitting on a small loveseat together and I clasp my hands on my lap.
When Conor’s large hand covers mine, the warmth of him, the steadiness, seeps into me and gives me the boost I need. I’m not going to wait for the attack, I’m going to lob one of my own.
“I’ve been in love with Conor for a long time,” I start, my voice shaky until I get it under control. Now is not the time to lean into my fear, I need to harness my fierceness. “I realize I was far too young for anything to happen between us which is why I tried to hide my feelings. He saw it anyway and put distance between us, both physically and emotionally. The distance broke my heart and is one of the reasons I wanted to go so far away for school.”
“Mo bhanphrionsa,” Conor’s voice is a pained whisper, but I can’t look at him right now. I keep my gaze fixed on my brother.
“I want you to know that what I tell you next has nothing to do with what has happened between us while I’ve been home. And, let me assure you, nothing happened before now.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m not going back to California for school. I figured out quickly that it wasn’t the right place for me. I missed home for a lot of reasons, and I realized I was running when I had nothing to run from. I made the decision a while ago and went ahead and applied to a few schools here as a transfer student. I’ve been accepted and will start next semester.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother genuinely surprised before, but right now it’s written all over his face. He studies me for a long time before looking at Conor. I wish I knew what Declan is thinking as Roisin reaches over and laces her fingers with his.
“As far as realizing she had a crush on me, that’s true,” Conor begins and gives my hands a squeeze. I’m tempted to look at him, but I stop myself. Barely. “I noticed the way she looked at me, but she was too young, and I didn’t see her in that way. Then it changed when she turned 18 and I saw, really saw, the woman she’s grown into. I felt like I was torn between my loyalty to you and the woman I know is part of my soul. I could have closed the distance I had put between us, but I was afraid to do it.”
“Afraid,” Declan scoffs softly and I glare at my brother. I’ve never felt ashamed of him before, but right now a sliver of that emotion works its way into my heart.
“I never thought she would go to the other side of the country for school. I should have.” Conor shakes his head and looks down at me and I feel his gaze caress my body. “You’ve raised her to be a strong woman, one who knows her worth. I know I’m not worthy of her; I don’t think anyone truly could be, but I can promise you I will strive to be the man who deserves her. I love Saoirse,” Conor’s tone doesn’t hold any room for argument.
I gasp and my eyes fill with tears as I look up at him, the rest of the room fading away, including my brother. I whisper, “You love me?”
Conor cups my cheek with his large hand, and I lean into his touch. His seafoam green eyes are alight with affection and, yes, now that he’s said it, I can see the love he has for me there as well. “You love me?”
“Of course,” I blurt. My eyes widen slightly, and I bite my lip before giving him a sheepish smile. “I probably should have told you that for the first time without an audience, huh?”
“We’re even,” he teases me, and I can tell by the look on his face he wants to kiss me, but he’s holding himself back.
Declan clears his throat. “If you’re both done,” there’s a note of resignation in his voice which has me turning back to him, even though I do it reluctantly.
Roisin has a huge grin on her face, and I can’t help but give her a small smile in return. I can’t celebrate a victory, not yet at least.
Declan levels his intense stare at Conor. “You should have come to me when you realized you had feelings for my sister. I could have given you my blessing. Maybe.”
I squeak, “Maybe? Your blessing?” I growl the second question as my temper flares. Of all the caveman bullshit I’ve heard in my life, all in the name of protecting me, this has got to be the most insufferable.
Conor covering my hands, which are now balled up into fists, calms me slightly. Not much, but the action does prevent me from leaping at my brother and trying to claw his face off.
“I needed to make things right with Saoirse before I spoke with you,” Conor explains, and I try not to fume over two men speaking about me while I’m sitting right fucking here. “I knew I hurt her with how I behaved. I also knew, if I got the chance, I would stop at nothing to make it up to her.”
Declan sighs and then he turns his intense focus onto me. “You’re moving back home?”
“I’m moving back to Boston,” I clarify. “I know you’d welcome me back here with open arms, but this is your house now,” I motion between the two of them, “and I think living here would cramp your style.” I shrug one shoulder. “I figured I could find a nice little apartment,” Declan’s scowl gets deeper, and I quickly add on, “with impeccable security, of course.”
Conor scoffs, “There’s no reason to find an apartment. You’ll be moving in with me.”
“How about we table that for right now,” Roisin interjects. “That sounds like a conversation the two of you should have in private.”
I almost roll my eyes, not because Roisin isn’t correct, but because of Conor’s assumption about where I’ll be living.
