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Why the hell had I agreed to get married at the side of her sister-in-law’s hospital bed? The rest of the family thought it had been sweet to give Nia one last parting gift. But to Chloe, was it only going to be a horrible reminder of one of the worst days of her life?
It all scared the shit out of me, to be honest. I felt like I was bombing this. I was ruining our marriage before it had even started.
Too scared to ask if she even wanted to be with me anymore, I waited restlessly by the dresser as she disappeared into the closet and re-emerged with shoes on.
“Ready?” I asked roughly.
She nodded, and I set a hand on the small of her back as I followed her to the door. She didn’t shy away from me, but she didn’t sink toward me as she had before the car accident either.
It broke my heart, but I said nothing, not wanting to make an issue out of it and hurt her any more than she was already suffering.
* * *
At the funeral home,almost everyone else had arrived before us. It was easy for Chloe to hang out at the back of the room, away from Julian and anyone else who was closest to Nia. There were so many people Chloe wasn’t really missed.
But not as many showed up at the graveside service that followed, and when others glanced toward us, I shook my head, telling them not to bother her.
“Are we going to go up there and see Julian?” I leaned in to ask Chloe.
She shook her head and even sank a step back. “No. I…I… He’s already going through enough. I don’t want to shove the woman who’s responsible for all this in his face.”
I opened my mouth to once again tell her this wasn’t her fault. She’d done all the right things. She had tried to sever contact with Dax Freston immediately when he showed red flags. She’d gotten a restraining order against him. She’d been brave enough to talk about what he’d done to her to the police. And even if she hadn’t done everything right, she hadn’taskedhim to go after her car, thinking she was in it. She hadn’tforcedhim to kill anyone. She’d been brutalized by him too. This wasn’t on her.
But I had no idea how to convince her of that.
So I stayed by her side and said, “I’ll just hang back here with you, then.”
When she sent me a grateful glance and reached out to take my hand, silently thanking me for not forcing her to do what she didn’t want to do, something clicked inside me.
And I realized I’d been blaming myself just as much as she was. I thought I was adding to her agony and was being a bitter reminder of everything bad that had happened to her; that was why she couldn’t bear to look at me anymore.
But from the single grateful glance she sent me now, it struck me that maybe I’d just been as blind as she was currently being.
She needed someone to open her eyes for her and give her a little nudge… Kind of how Pick had done for me, guiding me in the direction that he already knew my heart lay.
After the service finished, Bella and Gray gathered around us with their significant others. Thank goodness they didn’t try to talk about anything that had happened in the last month because I would’ve chased them off if they had.
Old high school stories cropped up, and they were actually able to somewhat pull Chloe into the conversation. But I kept glancing to where Nia’s mom was holding Drea and pointing at the floral arrangements, making Julian move them from one side of the casket to the other…even though the funeral was over and it was time to pack up and leave, not freaking rearrange shit.
When he struggled to lift the largest arrangement, I left Chloe’s side and started that way.
“Here, let me help,” I offered, taking hold of the other half of the plant.
“Hey, thanks,” Julian said, his lips wavering into a grateful grin, even though he looked as if he’d rather burst into tears than smile. “How about here?” he asked his mother-in-law.
She tipped her head, frowning, before she said, “No. I think I liked it better over there.”
So Julian and I lugged it back to the other side of the coffin, humoring her.
“Sweetie,” Eva said, coming up to touch the mourning mother’s shoulder. “Your arms must be tired; you’ve been holding Drea all day. How about I give you a break for a minute?”
“No, I…” Clutching the toddler closer, Julian’s mother-in-law began to cry. “I—I just can’t give her up yet. She’s the only thing I have left of my baby girl. I—I can’t…” And she hurried off in tears, taking Drea with her.
“Well, shit,” Eva muttered and started after her, probably to apologize, but Julian sighed weakly.
“Just let her go, Mom. She’ll be okay. Eventually. We all will be…” He glanced at the coffin and seemed to deflate. “It’s just going to take a while.”
Eva gripped my arm and leaned in to whisper, “I don’t think Nia’s mom is the only one who needs a moment.”
