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His words cut through me even, though I knew he hadn’t meant them to. His people at the Golden Court needed him.I didn’t.
“I don’t know how to live without you,” I said pathetically.
It was an unfair thing for me to say. I was the one breaking up with him.
“Yes, you do. You are too damn tough to let something like this stop you,” he said with a smile that would have broken my heart if it weren’t already split in two.
I crawled to the other side of the bed toward him, holding the sheet to my chest as I rose to my knees to meet him. He circled me in his arms, one hand going to the nape of my neck, the other to my ass, pressing me into the hard line of his body. He leaned his head down and he kissed me. I opened my mouth to his, and our tongues took turns exploring each other’s mouths. He kissed me so deeply it felt like he was consuming every breath of air I tried to take.
He kissed me like he would never kiss me again, like he would never see me again, like it was the last kiss he would ever have in his life. It tasted like goodbye, and tears welled in my eyes, causing my throat to constrict. I sucked in a breath, trying to stifle a sob, and breathed in the warmth of his breath. And then he broke away from me.
“See you next time, Mand,” he promised.
His wings, larger than life, appeared behind him, and he took off into the air, thankfully, before I spilled my first tear.
36
Alarie
Nik popped into existence on my balcony at his usual time. There was still plenty of daylight left in the afternoon sky. He trailed his eyes up my body and ended his journey by quirking a single, dark brow at me. I was standing there like a good girl in my House Heroux greens, waiting for him.
“You ready for this, princess?” he said, offering me his hand.
I raised my head in a single nod of affirmation and took his hand. For the moments we were in between here and there, I tried to focus on the darkness surrounding us. I tried to connect with it. The shadows felt open to the possibility of accepting me as one of their own, but I didn’t know how to accept that willingness. And then we were in the training center above Nik’s room at the M. The room was as quiet and sterile as ever, waiting for my sweat and grunts of exhaustion.
There was a feeling of intentionality shared between Nik and me that had not been there before. I couldn’t imagine how I had powers that could stop the fae and the magic from dying. But if there was even a possibility that the prophecy was true and that I was the girl in that prophecy, then I at least had to try. Nik believed that I was, and I had to believe that I was, too. Otherwise, I had given up my life with Cass for nothing. And that was unbearable to imagine.
We started with a hand-to-hand warm up, which essentially consisted of Nik prompting me to kick, punch, and hit him in any and every way I could manage. He easily danced around, dodged, or accepted my blows until my breathing was labored. My blood was pumping, and my resolute numbness morphed into a heated determination. I knew this had been Nik’s goal—to bring me out of my reverie. And it worked.
I went in for a kick to the side of his ribs, and he caught me by my calf and then yanked my other leg out from underneath me. I landed on the ground on my back with a thud that knocked the breath from my lungs. He followed through with his attack, allowing his body to fall on top of mine. He pinned me to the ground with the weight of his body.
I had already worked up a sweat, but this close, I noticed that he still smelled pleasantly fresh, like he had just gotten ready for the day.
“Do you trust me?” he asked, his voice deep and low.
We were so close he barely had to whisper his question. His question took me by surprise.Did I trust Nik?I didn’t know if I would ever really trust anyonecompletely, except maybe Luke. But I did trust that Nik wanted what was best for the future of the Kingdom he would one day rule over. And I also believe that Nik thought that I was pivotal to that future. So, I decided, yes, I trusted that Nik and I had the same goals. And that was good enough for me for now. Nik stared unflinchingly into my eyes as I went through this analysis.
“Yes,” I replied.
I knew he sensed my unspoken doubts, but I had given him what he needed. He wrapped his arm around the back of my waist and the training room around us disappeared. I was surrounded in the complete darkness of Nik’s shadows that usually accompany our traveling. I’d known instinctively that this was where he would take me. He rotated us to where we were vertical, but our bodies were still pressed together. There wasn’t really a ground beneath us, but he took a step back from me, giving me a little space and moving his hand to my hip. I wanted him to keep touching me. I knew how it felt when we were traveling without his touch, and I didn’t want to feel that again.
Plus, it was unsettling to feel like I was standing in nothingness. It was not the darkness or the shadows that whipped and whirled around us that was off putting. It was the lack of the earth beneath our feet or any other structure tethering us down that I found disturbing. I imagined that this would be what it felt like to float around in outer space, but without the moon or the stars to guide me.
If he let go of me, would I just float away from him? At that thought, I took an involuntary step closer to him. We’d never stayed in this space between for more than the few moments it took to travel. I didn’t know if this was the space or somewhere different altogether from the darkness that came with his shadows that sometimes surrounded me.
“What is this place?Whereis this place?” I asked quietly. I was proud that my voice was steady and did not betray any of the uneasiness I felt.
“It’s the inbetween. It’s everywhere and nowhere all at once. It is light, and it is darkness,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he had thought of the answer to my very questions many times.
“How can this”—I gestured to the vast blackness encompassing us—“be light?” I asked. I was beginning to get used to the feeling of not having a ground beneath my feet.
“What is darkness, princess, but the absence of light? What is light but the absence of darkness? One cannot exist without the other,” he replied.
Impressed at the thoughtfulness of his answers, I titled my head, looking up at his handsome dark features. I’d seen many sides of the Prince, but the waxing philosopher was new and a little surprising.
“And why did you take me here?” I asked.
“This is where my powers of darkness feel most balanced. I figured if you could learn to be comfortable here, to embrace and connect with the darkness, then maybe you would connect to your powers based in darkness,” he explained.
