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Just the fact that he would, for me… that was more than enough. I had to be as selfless as him.
“But, Al, everything we talked about,” he said.
And there was hurt in his voice. He grabbed both of my hands in his.
“Us,” he whispered, squeezing my hands.
I took a deep breath.
“It’s what she wanted, Luke,” I said, referring to his mother. “We both know that. She didn’t… She didn’t want me,” I said with a smirk, trying to hide the pain that admission cost me.
“Al…no. We can figure this out,” he pleaded.
“I…” My heart tugged at the pain in his voice. I wanted to believe what he said more than anything. “No, Luke, I can’t ask you to give up what you have always wanted. I couldn’t forgive myself even if you could. You deserve to be High Lord of your House. I’m so sorry about your mother. And now this. I…I shouldn’t be here. I’m just going to make things more difficult for you. I’ll see you soon, okay?” I said, giving him a small, sad smile we both knew I didn’t mean. I leaned into him, having to stand on my toes, and brushed my lips against his cheek.
I pulled my hands from his and nearly ran away before I allowed him to say something to change my mind. I left the gathering and ran into Nik in the courtyard. He wore the black of mourning and sat on top of a bench with his feet on the seat. He appeared to be playing with the whirls of the darkness of his shadows, drawing shapes in the inky blackness with his finger.
“What are you doing out here?” he barked.
“Don’t start, Nik. Not tonight,” I said with a sigh.
“What’s your deal?” he asked.
“I fucking hate it here! I can’t be here right now,” I erupted.
It felt like no matter what I did, it always ended with me in pain. I felt myself reaching for the cold steel box of loneliness I hid in most of my life. I would hide there again, alone, but at least I’d be unfeeling again.
“Well, we finally have something in common then,” he said, rising from the bench.
I looked at him and then I realized who I was talking to, what he could do. Nik could travel.
“Take me somewhere,” I said.
“Take you somewhere?” he asked, shocked.
“Yeah. Take me somewhere,” I repeated more definitively.
“Where do you want me to take you, princess?” he crooned.
I didn’t bite back at him for calling me princess or his flirting.
“Anywhere, Nik. Anywhere but here,” I said, taking a step closer to him. I offered him my hand.
And then I remembered his offer for me to live with him at the M. “I accept your offer. I will live with you at the M. Take me home, Nik.”
The look in his dark green eyes was so intense it was searing. My skin would have grown hot under his gaze if I hadn’t already turned off my ability to feel. He pulled me into his body, and I didn’t resist or complain. I didn’t want to. I wanted him to take me away from all of it.
We disappeared from the High Court together, arriving seconds later at our destination in a hallway I didn’t recognize, but I knew we were at the M because I recognized the taste of salt in the air.
I took a step away from Nik.
“Welcome to your new home, princess,” he said, still trying to figure out my mood. “Do you—”
“Thanks for the ride. But you don’t have to babysit me,” I bit out. I just wanted to be alone.
Whatever softness he had shown before was gone.
“I’ll just show you to your room, then,” he offered.
He walked me down a hall and then another. I recognized the hallway as the one he had traveled me to before, when he’d shown me to a wardrobe to change into clothes for training. That reminded me that I had nothing to change into. I looked down at my funeral garb, more than ready to be rid of it. Nik opened the door to the room I’d changed in previously. The bed was in the middle of two armoires. I knew at least one of them was full of athletic clothes, some of which had to fit me.
“This is you. This is your room,” Nik announced.
“Myroom?” I questioned.
“The room and everything in it are yours. It has been since I first showed it to you,” he shrugged. “Clothes for training are there,” he said, pointing to the armoire closest to the door. “The other one and the walk-in closet have more options. If you need something that isn’t here, we can send for it.”
“Why didn’t you mention it before?” I asked, walking farther into the room.
When he didn't answer my question I turned to find that he had already disappeared. I was all alone.
