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“Damn you, don’t you get it? I’m protecting myself.”
“I don’t know what else to say or do.”
I exhaled a ragged breath. Even though it was tearing me apart inside, I said, “Go back to Colorado. If your way of seeing things changes, then get in touch with me.”
“I can’t give up swimming.”
“You don’t have to give it up. You just have to realize that there’s something more important in your life.” I gripped the front of his shirt before leaning in to give him a kiss. “I’ll catch a ride home with Bella.”
Noah opened his mouth as if to argue with me, but then finally gave a quick jerk of his head. With my emotions spiraling so out of control, I feared I wouldn’t be able to walk away. But somehow, I put one foot in front of the other and made my way back into Eastman’s. I didn’t dare look over my shoulder to see if Noah was watching me.
I can’t look to see if he’s in as much pain as I am.
With Bella and Jude still dancing, I didn’t want to interrupt them to take me home. Instead, I powerwalked as fast as I could away from the VIP section. I started down the hall to the bathrooms before bursting into the last door on the left. The familiar smell of the dressing room entered my nose. I’d been back here at ton of times over the years.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I set up an Uber. As I waited, I paced around the room. The wait was excruciating. I knew that once I was home, though, all the agony would be unleased. I’d be finding a bottle of tequila to drown my sorrows.
“Look, up until ten days ago, my life made sense. I knew what I wanted in life. But one night with you sent me spinning, and now I’m fucking clueless. What I do know with absolute certainty is I don’t want to think of not ever seeing you again.”
That feeling was mutual.
I think I just walked away from the love of my life.
Chapter Sixteen: Noah
One Month Later
As my arms and legs sliced through the water, I tried focusing on the task before me. Drawing air into my lungs, exhaling it out, keeping my movements sleek. Although it was taxing, the physical side was easier than the emotional. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get Gaby out of my mind. It wasn’t just when I was in the water. Thoughts of her filled my mind from the moment I woke up to the moment I laid my head on the pillow at night.
The rational side of me understood why she had cut things off. What woman would possibly want to be second best to anyone or anything? She deserved all of me, and I couldn’t give that to her. If she’d only wanted a fuck buddy, we could’ve worked with that. But that wasn’t who Gaby was. She was someone who wanted love, and she deserved it.
When my final lap was done and my muscles ached in agony, I pulled myself out of the pool. After peeling off my goggles and swim cap, I slung a towel around me. As I started to the locker room, my roommate, Craig, slung an arm around my shoulder. “Hey, Fitzy, the gang is heading out to grab a quick bite. Wanna come?”
I shook my head. “I’m just going to grab a shower and then head home to crash.”
His dark brows slanted. “You haven’t been out with us in like weeks, Fitzy.”
With a shrug, I replied, “Sorry, man. I just haven’t been in the mood.”
“What the hell are you going to eat? Last time I checked, we didn’t have much in the fridge except that scampi you made.”
At the mention of scampi, my stomach twisted at the thought of fixing it for Gaby. Fuck, that had been an incredible night. Cooking for her, having her there as I trained.The hot tub.She’d loved my food, and I’d fucking loved looking after her and feeding her. I’d never realized the satisfaction in cooking for someone you cared about.
Since then, food had lost its allure. I ate because I needed the fuel. “I’m not that hungry.”
After eyeing me curiously, he nodded. “Let me know if you want us to bring you anything back.”
“Thanks, man.”
Once I pulled off my jammers, I turned on the shower. With the steam radiating off the tile, I stepped under the stream. While I should’ve been stoked that I’d shaved a few seconds off my time in the last few weeks, it didn’t bring any happiness. Instead, I just felt like a zombie going through the motions.
It was when I was out of the shower and checked my phone that my heart skipped a beat. My breath hitched in my chest at the sight it was from Bella.
Just thought you’d like to know Gaby’s birthday is this weekend.
I rubbed the damp area over my heart as images of Gaby flashed through my mind. I didn’t know what the fuck to possibly reply. Finally, I settled on
Wish her Happy Birthday for me.
