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“Okay.”
With tears pooling in my eyes, I pushed my way through the crowd. The closer I got to the door the more I hated myself. What the hell had I been thinking when I agreed to try for more with Noah? How could I have not seen that his answer I hated had been staring me in the face this entire time? I’d been too preoccupied with the idea of him cheating not to see the bigger landmine. But what I was finally comprehending was worse than him cheating.
“They understood competition and how I had to put swimming before anything else.”
There was a bigger claim in Noah’s life. His sole focus. His goals. His swimming.
“Gaby, wait,” Noah called.
I froze. Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to turn around. Turning around meant facing him, and I knew if I looked at him, I’d lose my resolve. Instead, I kept my head down, my hair shrouding me.
Noah stepped around to stand in front of me. Pulling my chin up, he surveyed my face before wincing. “Fuck me, I’ve made you cry.”
Swiping my cheeks, I countered, “You didn’t mean to do it.”
“The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.”
“I know that.”
“Please, Gaby, talk to me.”
Peering up at him, I asked a question I shouldn’t. “What do we look like when you go back to training?”
“We?”
“Us. As a couple or whatever the hell we are.”
“Like I told you before, we live in a technological age where we can still see and talk to each other.”
“Give me a more specific version.”
Noah’s brows popped questioningly. “Like how?”
“How would I fit into your life on a daily basis?” When he winced, an ache went through my chest. “Tell me what your day looks like, Noah.”
“I’m up at five to be in the pool for around two hours. After that, I’m go to the gym for an hour or two for strength training. Then I work remotely from nine to five. Once that’s done, it’s a quick dinner and then back to the pool for two hours. Then I have to be in bed by nine to get enough rest.” At what must’ve been the resigned anguish on my face, Noah argued, “But we can still Facetime every night and talk and text during the day. I still have to train on the weekends, but at least I don’t have to work. You could come visit on the weekends.”
More than anything, I wanted it to be enough for me. I already cared about him so much. A long- distance relationship was hard enough to make work, but then when you threw in the demands of his swimming, it was impossible. I couldn’t make it work with Ashton, and he lived in the same city.
Tears flooded my eyes. “I’m so selfish.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I’m angry at you for putting your dream and your ambition first. That’s ridiculously selfish. If I truly cared about you as much as I think I do, I should want to support you and be willing to take whatever you can give.”
“But you can’t.”
“At first, I didn’t think I could be with you because I couldn’t compete with your past with women. I know I can’t compete with swimming."
“Don’t do this, Gaby.”
“I’m sorry. I have to.”
“Look, up until ten days ago, my life made sense. I knew what I wanted when it came to women and relationships. But one night with you sent me spinning, and now I’m fucking clueless.” He took my face in his hands. “What I do know with absolute certainty is I really fucking like you, and I don’t want to think of not ever seeing you again.”
“Don’t you think I want the same?”
“Obviously not if you’re not willing to try.”
