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“This is your mother and I when we were eight,” Madison said, her words stopping Caleb in his tracks.
“We used to climb on top of the gas pumps at the corner gas station, sipping Mountain Dews and watching the Fourth of July parade. We’d get there hours early for what we thought was the best seat in town when they started throwing out candy from the floats.”
“Daddy doesn’t let me drink soda and I’ve never seen a parade except on TV. Will you take me to one Madison?” Joelle asked, hope evident in her request.
They hadn’t gone to the town celebrations since Lauren’s death. There had been nothing to celebrate as far as he was concerned. But hearing Joelle’s request bothered him. It was another example of his shortcomings as a father. Why did everyone keep expecting him to just forget Lauren and move on? The time hadn’t been right then, and it would seem it still wasn’t.
“You need to see a parade in person. If you would like, I can talk to your father about it.”
“Yes, please. Madison…I miss my mommy,” Joelle said, his daughter’s words slicing Caleb’s heart in two.
“It’s okay to miss seeing her, but know this, she’s in your heart every day. And you have her smile…see. This picture is of when she was around your age. You look just like your mother.”
“She’s pretty,” Joelle said.
“Just like you are.”
“Why did God want my mommy in heaven?” Joelle asked, her voice cracking as though she were about to cry.
Caleb needed to put a stop to this conversation, but it was a question he had asked himself a million times and still didn’t have an answer.
“Sometimes we never know the answer to that. All we can do is believe it was best for her and know that she’s in a lovely place watching over you. I once heard that rain is like the tears from heaven washing over you with love from the special people in your life who are in heaven.”
Tears flowed down Joelle’s face, and Madison leaned in closer to hug her.
“All the things I love, keep going away,” Joelle said, her voice barely a whisper.
“What do you mean?” Madison asked.
“My mommy is in heaven. And I love Star, but my daddy doesn’t because of Mommy’s accident, and he wants to get rid of her. And I heard you say you were leaving.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. I may have to leave if I get the job in California, but it’s not like I won’t come back to Dover and see you. And as for your daddy, you both lost someone you love very much when your mother died, and you’re both hurting inside. Your mother’s accident was just that…an accident. Unfortunately, your dad only sees Star as a reminder of a past he wants to forget.”
Enough.Madison was psychoanalyzing him to his daughter and should stay out of his personal life. Caleb stepped into the room. “I hired you to be Joelle’s nanny, not her counselor. I would think I can handle her questions if she would ask me.” Caleb shot his daughter a telling look.
“I’m only trying to help. I brought a photo album over for Joelle to see. I hoped it would help her remember her mother, and that I could share stories to help paint a picture of what a special lady her mother was to everyone who knew and loved her.”
“I agree she needs to know more, but I’ll tell her…when the time is right.”
Joelle cried harder and she climbed into Madison’s lap. Caleb was shocked that his daughter had turned to Madison for comfort over him. It was a first and not one that settled well.
Madison hugged Joelle tightly, looking over her shoulder up at him. “I’m sorry. You’re right,” she said, her expression one of remorse.
“Thank you.” Perhaps he shouldn’t have been listening and stopped the conversation sooner, but he’d wanted to know more about Madison and what made her tick. There was something about her that drew him to her, but they needed boundaries.
Caleb was already considering the possibility of keeping Star. He just hadn’t said anything because he hadn’t decided. And as to Madison, perhaps it was a good thing she might leave, otherwise, there was no telling how attached Joelle would get. And when a new job took Madison away from Dover, losing her would only hurt Joelle more. Which is probably the same reason he was conflicted. He cared about Madison, but her leaving was probably for the best.
Too bad he couldn’t convince himself to believe it.
Madison had shared the album with Joelle because she thought it would be a good thing for the child. Caleb might not agree with her, but then she didn’t agree with him either. It left them at an impasse, with the tiebreaker going to Caleb.He was Joelle’s father.
His response, however, also pointed to the fact the man was emotionally unavailable. And until he made peace with Lauren’s passing, he would never be ready to move forward with life.
The afternoon dragged out, the tension on overload. When it was finally time to leave, Madison was more than ready to pack up her things and go. A quiet night at home was exactly what she needed. Her mother was out for the evening with friends and she had the house all to herself.
Or so she thought. Staring at the walls of the living room but unwilling to replay the conversation a hundred more times, she realized boredom had set in.
Madison retrieved her backpack from the front door and pulled out the photo album she shoved in it. Ledger sheets fluttered to the floor. She must have accidentally picked up the papers with the album.
