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Sadness that I was experiencing another milestone without mymother.
Fear that I wouldn't be able to manage two children, a job, a marriage, my family. That I wouldn't be goodenough.
Regret that I hadn't spent more one-on-one time with Abby before her sisterarrived.
Shock that I'd found the one man who didn't hesitate to argue with me while I gave birth to hischild.
Hope that, despite my previous assertions, I'd have several more blonde babies with thatman.
All of it surrounded me, and every time I sensed myself reaching the end, a new torrent knocked mesideways.
He leaned down and brushed his lips over mine, quick and sweet like a tiny promise. "I don't know how you do it," he said. "I don't know how you give all of yourself to everyone. Your brothers, your babies, me. You do it, and you ask nothing in return. None of us deserve you,Shannon."
"Is that why snipers and covert agents have the buildingsurrounded?"
"It's one of the many reasons," he replied with a laugh. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep my girls safe. That's never going tochange."
Another wave of emotion washed over me. It was a complicated mixture of rage and relief. As much as I pushed back on Will's caution and concern, I never doubted that he would guard my babies with his life. He'd do the same for me, too. And that was where the rage came in. My father betrayed me in a way I'd never reconcile. He stole parts of me I'd never reclaim. No one kept me safe, no one protectedme.
"You're the best father." I was a bawling, blubbering mess, and Will knew it. He plucked Annabelle's hat from her head and mopped my tears with it. "I'm happy you didn't get that vasectomy because I want morebabies."
"We're going to wait a little while before we get to work on our next baby. Months. Several months. Maybe a year," he said, tracing Annabelle's chubby cheeks. "You took years off my life today, Peanut. I don't want to panic like that everagain."
"Does that mean you'll be wearing a condom?" Iasked.
He snickered. "Let's not get carried awayhere."
Judy returned with Erin in tow, and my sister wedged herself onto the gurney, bracketing me between her and my husband. Neither said anything for several minutes. They just held me and Annabelle, and slowly, slowly, I found my footingagain.
"This time isn't my fault," Erin whispered while she stroked Annabelle's little fingers. "Must be your fault,Will."
He brushed the tears from my cheeks and kissed my forehead. "I'll take this one," he replied. "I'll take all ofthem."
Chapter Sixteen
Patrick
Andy's hand found mine,and she tugged me back, away from the wild crush surrounding Will and Shannon. And the red-faced creature on Shannon's chest. I didn't look too closely. It looked—the baby, she looked impossibly small. Abby, Dave, this one—they all seemed incomprehensibly tiny. Like those awkward internet videos of baby hedgehogs that were the size of athumbnail.
I couldn't believe anything that small could be here. I didn't understand how anyone could care for such a delicate thing. I couldn't keep a sandwich intact long enough to eat it. I definitely couldn't handle ababy.
But also, I couldn't stop thinking about trading places with Will and Shannon. I saw Andy in that bed, her hair piled high and her cheeks glowing, and our baby nestled between herbreasts.
Andy glanced over at me with a bright smile. "Precious, isn't she?" she said as I leaned closer to hear, nodding in agreement. I didn't have another response. This wasn't the time to mention I was simultaneously terrified that I'd accidentally manhandle our hypothetical future child and wondering when we could get to work on making that child. That, and it was too fucking loud in here for aconversation.
The room was ten miles past out of control and closing in on mayhem. I couldn't believe Will tolerated this ruckus. I wanted to get in the middle to manage this situation like one of my properties. Everyone needed a task. Something to do. Something to keep them busy because there was no reason for them to be hovering over thenewborn.
"She's going to be a towhead, just like Abby," shecontinued.
I nodded again as I stared into her dark eyes. I could drown in those eyes, and I had, more times than I could recount. Andy was home to me. My quiet in a noisy world. My softness when everything was sharp edges and rightangles.
"We should go," I said, my eyes dropping to herlips.
"Yeah," she replied, mirroring my gaze. "Let them settle in. We'll be seeing plenty of Annabellesoon."
We pushed through the hive of new baby excitement but not before several conversations with my siblings and Shannon's in-laws. They all wanted to discuss the series of events that brought us here tonight and the surprise arrival of the newest member of ourtribe.
When we finally reached Shannon's side, she beckoned me closer and said, "You've beenquiet."
