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I nodded—that was all I could fucking do tonight—and ran my finger over Annabelle's downy white-blonde hair. "A lot on my mind," Isaid.
"Me too," she said with a watery laugh. "You should get out of here. It might not look like it, but I have this situation under control. It helps that we have a handful of doctors in the familynow."
"You always have it under control," I said. I leaned forward, folding her into an awkward one-armed hug while also holding myself away to keep from smothering thebaby.
When I stepped back, Andy took my place. "You know this isn't a race, right?" she asked. "You don't have to show us all up by popping out five kids before most of us haveone."
I turned to stare at her, at once thrilled and confused by herwords.
"Go home, drink a lot of wine, and enjoy the freedom of being childless," Shannon said. "While youcan."
We made our way out of the hospital and onto the streets. Light, fluffy snow was falling and the air was frigid. The city was calm, almost oddly so. Gone were the ever-present honking horns and the roar of engines, and in their place was a quiet peace that I rarely foundhere.
But I wasn't in the mood for peaceful. There was too much on my mind, too many questions in need of answers, and a part of me craved the chaos of rush hourtraffic.
"Let's walk," Andy said, gesturing in the general direction of our apartment. She held her hand out to me, and I took it. I'd always takeit.
Andy was quiet, too. Her long, long hair spilled out of her beanie and her shoulders were drawn up tight to ward off the cold. She stared at the sidewalk and the falling snow, even when I gazed at her for full minutes while we made our way to the North End and up Hanover Street. She knew I was watching,too.
"Quite the night," I said, starved for words. Even the most banal ofthem.
"Quite," she replied, catching my eye with a quick smile. "Annabelle really is a precious baby. Justadorable."
She turned her face to the sky and snowflakes gathered on her cheeks, her eyelashes, her lips. I watched those tiny crystals land and melt. Just like the moments passing me by, they were here one second and vapor thenext.
"Do you want this?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair. It was damp with snow but I hardly noticed. "All of this? The crazy holiday gatherings and the babies and everything? Do you wantit?"
Andy stopped and stepped in front of me, taking my hands in hers. "Why are you asking methis?"
"Because—fuck, Andy," I stammered. "Because I want to be married toyou."
Her gaze snapped to mine and her lips parted. "Patrick, you say this as if I don't already know. We've been engaged for thirteen months. What is happening rightnow?"
"I want to be married to you," I repeated, a bit more impatiently than necessary. "I know I haven't done any of this right. Theproposal—"
"When you rolled over in bed one morning and said, 'Would you just marry mealready?'"
"Yeah, that wasn't my most eloquent moment," I admitted, shaking my head. "It wasn't what you deservedand—"
"Would you stop it?" Andy paced away from me. "I deserve someone who loves me as I am. Who adores my raw, imperfect form. That's all I need, and it's all I want. I don't know where you got the idea that eloquence was arequirement."
"What about Maine?" I asked, staring while she continued up thestreet.
"Irrelevant," she called over hershoulder.
"It wasn't irrelevant, Andy," I yelled, my words echoing off the buildings around us. "It was fuckingbrutal."
She stopped, pivoting to face me. "Itwasbrutal. I'll give you that," she conceded, throwing her hands up. "I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm confused. My mother said a lot of things that were difficult tohear."
"And you're wondering whether she's right about any of it," Isaid.
"That's what you think?" she asked, a laugh twisting through herwords.
Then she laughed for a full minute. Maybe longer. I wasn't sure because each ripple of laughter hit me like a confusing punch to thegut.
"Help me out, please," I said. "I have no idea what part of this conversation isamusing."
"I needed that," she said, brushing tears from her cheeks. "I don't take my cues on marriage or monogamy from anyone but myself. If I didn't want that with you, if I didn't believe in it, I never would've said yes or accepted this." She held up her gloved left hand and wiggled her ring finger."Now, tell me what's really goingon."
