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Themusic ofshehnaisfilled the background. Guests were still arriving at the venue. My house wasn't very big to host a wedding and accommodate a lot of guests, so my parents had rented a banquet hall for the day. I didn't know how big or small it was, nor did I know how good it was to look at or even shabby. I didn't even know how many people had gathered around me.
Giggles of girls reached my ears, their teasing and praises filled the air but none of them were being deciphered by my brain. I sat there as if I was at a funeral. My funeral...
The happy environment wasn't inducing any feelings in me. My mood must have been contiguous, or perhaps not, because I could see my mother talk animatedly to one of the guests just outside the room. But it didn't matter to me...
I had turned numb to that extent.
I had been in the same condition even the previous evening when theSangeetandmehandihad been performed. Even this morning when thehaldihad been conducted... I don't remember anything from those events either. Most of the time, I was grieving and lost in my thoughts. I remember absolutely nothing... Nor did I want to.
My hair was being tied up into a messy bun and amaangtikkawas placed over my hair part line.
"You are looking absolutely stunning," the lady who was dressing me up whispered above my ear with an adoring smile. I just stared back at the reflection of the girl who looked like me. She was clothed in traditional redghagra, the commonly used wedding dress by Indians, adorned with gold jewelry and red and white colored bangles. A red veil covered half of her head, her make-up done with perfection. Her lips were beautifully red yet they weren't smiling. But her eyes... Her eyes were swollen and puffy, they showed the sorrow that rested within her, they even looked dead to an extent...
I felt a new hand over my shoulder but I didn't care to see who it was.
"You may go now, we will take care of her," Prerna's voice reached my ears but not my soul.
Anjali and Prerna took their seats beside me. They were both well dressed and looking beautiful.
"Rynah, you don't have to worry. If he does something funny, we will deal with him," Anjali tried to comfort me making me wonder what even could Mr. Surya Kanth Nath probably do to me? The most he could do was pull out an asthma pump and take a wisp out of it. Immediately at that thought, my heart clenched and depression set in.
Just like Luv and Kush used to tease me, I was going to make a grandpa hyperactive... Great.. Just great...
I was losing it, I was definitely losing it.
"Rynah... The baraat has arrived," Prerna slightly nudged me, bring back to present, "huh?"
"They are calling for the bride downstairs," she explained while helping me up.
Anjali stood on my one side while Prerna on my other as they helped me carry the heavylengha. I could feel my heart beating rapidly, for a second I thought I was having palpitations but then I understood that it was nothing but the sound of my doom.
We slowly walked down the long corridor with me already lost in my depressing thoughts.
"Rynah! Watch it!" Anjali scolded me, stopping me from rolling down the stairs.
I blinked, coming back to the present, "oh..."
"Where are you lost?" Prerna asked worriedly. Making me just shake my head in reply.
As we climbed down the stairs, the recital of marriage mantras echoed through the hall, still the numbness prevented any kind of feeling from affecting me. The dread was yet to set. I was surprised, how come I didn't make a run for it already?
I was gently led to themandapand seated beside the man to whom I was supposed to be married by the end of the day. Thesehramade of white beads became an obstruction to my sight from seeing his face. Anyway, it didn't matter. It was better off that I couldn't see Surya's face, I might scream and run away from here if I did...
I zoned out of reality yet for another time. As long as the reality stayed away from me, I would not break down at the moment. I don't know how long I sat there like a zombie. It was until my dad touched my shoulder and nodded towards the jar containing clarified butter.
I picked the spoonful of clarified butter and felt another hand holding the back of my hand. I looked up enough to understand that it was the hand of my so-called-groom. I had frozen on the spot, if it wasn't for him, I would have sat that way for a whole hour. He gently pulled my hand towards the blazing fire as we poured the clarified butter into it. I spaced out again, trying to ignore the feel of his skin against mine.
I was once again lost in my own world until my mother tried to get me to stand. I didn't understand why at first but later realized that we were supposed to perform the seven circumambulations, one of the most important features of any Hindu wedding, involving seven rounds around sacred fire lit for the purpose amidst the Vedic mantras. The ritual where I would be bound to him in unbreakable vows, forever.
My dad tied the end of my veil with my groom's scarf. As I was about to start thepheres, a hand slipped into mine catching me off-guard. My heart skipped a beat before going back numb. I didn't have to see who was holding my hand. The ritual needed the hands of the couple to be entwined. I started by walking around the fire, again none of my surroundings matter to me.
I continued and continued and continued until I was pulled back and made to sit back on themandap. I didn't even realize that we had changed positions and at one particular moment he was leading the trail while I followed.
I stared into the fire as themangalsutrwas tied around my neck. I felt my mangteeka being lifted assindhurwas dragged over my hair part line.
There it was, almost to the end, I was now a married woman just waiting for the leftover rituals to be completed. That thought made me completely blank. For how long? I had no idea. I was finally married, I was married to Surya Kanth Nath...
The literal End of my life... Starting with an 'E'.
