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“Is that my Christmas gift this year?” Renzo asked.
Emil chuckled and tipped Renzo’s head up by his chin, taking a small but possessive kiss. “It’s one of them. Thank you for having me. I thought I was going to be alone this year.”
Renzo’s heart ached harder than it ever had, and he grabbed Emil by the wrist, pressing his palm to his chest to soothe the pain. “Anytime you need someone, I’m here, okay?”
“I won’t hold you to that promise, but thank you.”
Renzo couldn’t tell him what that reply meant to him, so instead, he just kissed him until they were hard, and a little desperate, and neither of them could breathe.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
“I…”Emil covered his face, a thousand words coming to the edges of his tongue, but he knew none of them were right. “I don’t…God, I don’t know!”
BZZT!
The alarm made him jump half a foot, and Matty collapsed to the ground, rolling onto his back to cover his face. “It wasFrozen!”
Emil blinked, then looked over at Renzo with a frown. ‘What is that?’ he mouthed.
Renzo pressed his fingers to his mouth and shook his head in disbelief. One more way Emil was a total fucking weirdo with no connections to the outside world. He knew that leaving the life he’d been living in since he was sixteen would be an adjustment, but he hadn’t realized how profoundly he wouldn’t fit in.
He hadn’t realized just how much he wouldn’t matter in ways he used to and matter in ways he never thought he could.
He felt off-kilter, and he wished Victor was back so he could ask him if he felt the same way.
He had a feeling, though, Victor’s answer would be wildly different because he had never been the kind of person Emil had. He’d always been kind. He hadn’t had to learn empathy like a baby giraffe learning to walk.
“Okay,” Matty said, finally climbing to his feet. “It’s Emil’s turn again.”
Emil desperately searched for a polite way to decline. He was happy, but he was exhausted, and they’d been playing charades for the last hour, which had tested his resolve to not break out wine or scotch to dull just how awkward he was.
Luckily, he didn’t need to say a word. Renzo jumped to his feet and said, “Nope. It’s time for your one present and then bed.”
“But—”
“No buts,” Renzo said. “You know the rules, and we’re not breaking them for guests.”
“He’s not a guest. He’s your husband,” Matty declared.
Emil, who had taken a mouthful of cocoa, choked and managed to catch most of it as he spat it out. “Um…”
“That’s literally not how marriage works,” Renzo said. His voice was calm, but Emil could see through it. His fingers were suddenly trembling, and his cheeks had gone splotchy. “And even if we were married, that changes nothing. Go pick the presents.”
Matty turned to dive under the tree, and Renzo turned to him, mouthing, ‘Sorry,’ as clearly as he could.
Emil waved him off as he swiped cocoa from his face and had mostly composed himself by the time Matty appeared with one massive gift for himself.
“Try again,” Renzo said.
Matty groaned and put the gift back, selecting something else. “I guess I’ll just have this one, then,” he said with a pout.
“Sounds good. Now, get ones for me and Emil,” Renzo told him. When Matty moved back to the gifts, Renzo leaned in. “He thinks I don’t know he snooped. He knows what gift he picked. He tried to throw me off with the big gift,” he murmured.
Emil laughed. “Every year?”
“Every year,” Renzo said. “Of course, I taught him that trick when he was a kid, so I only have myself to blame.”
Emil felt a pulse of affection for Renzo. He was like a parent, but not quite. He hadn’t lost his role as big brother, which he had a feeling was wildly important to him. He couldn’t get over the fact that he was allowed to be a guest in this life—to observe it, even if there was no promise he could ever be part of it.
