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He’s messing with every part of me. My body, soul, and mind.
There has been so much crap building up inside of me. It goes back all the way to the dance in Acapulco, the way his touch made my insides squirm. Then him telling me about my intellect and how León is practically a loser for rejecting me. How he opened up to me about his past. The way he was so caring for half of our trip in Brazil.
After that, he didn’t talk to me for a time during the trip and I confronted him, which led to him practically telling me to stay away from men because he wants all of me.
The secret touches and words of affirmation.
It’s all taking a toll on me mentally, leaving my thoughts in shambles.
I’m so confused and every single time I have questions, I put up with his explanations because I don’t want to pry. It’s not like I can’t live with what he tells me when trying to correct his mistakes. But we haven’t talked about anything that has happened between us.
I don’t know if I even want to talk to him about it.
We have been moving really fast these past weeks that we’ve gotten to know each other. I couldn’t possibly like someone in such a short time frame.
But he’s Xavier.
The man I’ve learned to know and someone I would call a close friend of mine.
Is he really a friend, though?
We haven’t kissed or anything.
But sometimes emotional bonds are more powerful in leaving a scar on our hearts.
“I knew this would happen!” Ale exclaims in glee.
I look at her, dumbfounded. How can she be so happy over a situation that is inherently in disarray? “Don’t sound so happy. It’s so complicated, Ale.”
“Is it really, though?”
“Yes, it is.” My tone is frustrated.
“Please, enlighten me on how this is so complicated.” Ale crosses her arms over her chest.
“He has a girlfriend.” Is the only response needed.
“Really?” Ale deadpans. “Vio, he has a girlfriend, but that can be easily fixed if he breaks up with her.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Quite frankly it is.”
“It’s not just him breaking up with her and then we’re together. Xavier has his reasons for being with her. I think he loves her.” My voice breaks slightly. “I can’t go through another situation where a man doesn’t choose me. My heart can’t take it. I’ve been there, done that, and even if he does end this relationship with her or it naturally simmers out, he would never choose me.”
She nods, understanding my words. “I know that. But if he does eventually break up with her, never think that he won’t choose you. Because for Xavier to let go of something for another thing, he chooses it irrevocably.”
“Well, I’ll never know.” I shrug. My heart is in shambles just thinking about the possibility that I might like Xavier.
“Do you want to be with him romantically?”
“I don’t know,” I yell in frustration.
“Well, then find out. I didn’t like Luca at all when we first started our relationship. It began completely physical, but then we created something that can’t be explained with words on a page. When I realized I liked him, it was similar to a train crash. We went from despising each other to understanding why we connected in a matter of seconds.”
“Ale, I don’t think I’ll ever find what you have,” I tell her honestly.
“Look, I’m going to tell you the truth. Because I’m your best friend, and we both know I’m a blunt bitch. Who at times can be immature.” We both laugh at her comment. “You will never find a love like mine. Because every love story is different. You don’t hate Xavier. I quite literally loathed the man I’m set to marry in a matter of months. But the one thing I learned when I fell for Luca, is that I had to love myself in order for someone to love me. My brother did a number on you and even though he has done some fucked-up shit, what he did to you is the thing I refuse to forgive him for.” She pauses, and I see her eyes watering. Ale doesn’t cry, not very often at least. “You, Violetta Luna, are the best thing that could ever happen to a person. In order for you to find the love you deserve, a passion no one else could ever earn, you have to love yourself the way you want to be loved. Right now, you’re not there. I can see the self-doubt you hold in your gaze. You think you’re not good enough for anybody, which is far from the truth. You are someone no one deserves, not even me.”
