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“Um.” I’m trying to come up with a plausible explanation as to why I’m knocking on his door at almost twelve o’clock in the morning.
He realizes why this whole situation is catching me off guard. He walks closer to me, closing the door until only a peek of the room is in view.
“Sorry,” he lets out.
“There’s no need to be sorry. Sex is normal.” I try to convince myself out loud.
Because it is, but it hurts that I’m not the one in his bed.
The day I finally realize I like Xavier is the day I see him after being intimate with his girlfriend.
Great.
“I just wanted to see when you’re leaving so I could say goodbye.” The lie rolls off my lips. I know what time he’s leaving tomorrow; I had planned to meet him in the lobby right before he got into a fancy SUV with his girlfriend in hand.
“Oh, no need to worry. I leave at four.” His smile isn’t genuine.
Probably because this is extremely awkward, and I hate every moment of this interaction.
“Cool, sorry to interrupt.” Once I get those words out, I beeline for my room, avoiding his gaze.
I walk for a few seconds until the tears start to fall. My back is facing him, so I don’t let him see me cry.
“Blondie!” he calls out.
I hesitate to turn in his direction, but he has this gravitational pull toward me. So I turn around because I don’t have it in me to avoid him.
Not like he did to me in Brazil.
Our gazes connect and I feel a tear fall right as I see his brown eyes from afar.
“Fuck.” he bellows.
That’s all I need to hear before I open the door to my room and slam the door behind me.
Finally, out of his vantage point and in the commodity of my hotel room, I let out a sob.
A sob that I don’t have the right to. Because I’m not his girlfriend and I knew what I was getting myself into when I left this hotel room.
But even so, I realize that I’m in this recurring cycle of liking someone who doesn’t want me back.
All I’ll ever be to someone is the girl with unrequited crushes.
That’s what pains me.
Not the fact that he’s forbidden fruit or that he had sex with his girlfriend.
I’m crying because I’ll never be good enough and I keep putting myself in these situations.
Chapter46
Xavier
Ifucked up.
More like, I let a fuckup happen.
Once Marrisa and I got back into the room, she jumped me.
