AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Not like I’m blaming her in any way. She’s my girlfriend, so I let her.
We’re in a relationship. Sex is normal.
That was until Vio came into the equation.
My mind reminds me that we had sex.
Sex that makes me feel like the biggest fucking douchebag on the planet.
Once her lips were on mine, all I could imagine was Vio’s. I pulled back immediately when I thought of her, making Marrisa assume I was catching my breath. But really, I was imagining Vio’s blond locks in my hand instead of Marrisa’s brown strands.
I was kissing my girlfriend and I thought about another woman. The woman who invades not just my mind but my very being.
I could cry at the thought of not being able to have her, but I don’t let myself. Because I’m the one preventing Vio and me from happening, not the other way around.
I don’t know if she likes me back, but I have a feeling she does reciprocate what I feel.
After I pulled back from Marrisa, I decided to get lost in a woman that isn’t Vio and I did. I imagined my girlfriend as the woman I’ve spent the last month with.
My hands touched Marrisa’s skin, but in my mind, it was all Vio.
I was looking into Vio’s eyes as I entered her and felt like I was in oblivion. But it didn’t feel right because it wasn’t Vio.
I realized that Marrisa and I can’t just replicate the feeling of what it would be like with Vio even if I attempted to.
After we were done, I was not lost in someone else.
I was, am, completely adrift in Violetta Luna.
I’m feeling conflicted and guilty about having sex with my girlfriend while being invested in someone else. I haven’t done anything with Vio physically, but it’s something in the future that may cross the line into a territory that both of us don’t understand.
It’s a difficult situation because I care about my girlfriend, but my heart is saying it belongs to another person.
I never have the intention to hurt anyone, and I know that my actions are causing pain and confusion for both Vio and me. Even my girlfriend was pissed that I hadn’t responded to her messages or even went out of my way to call her over the past few weeks.
But how could I have called her when I knew that I was emotionally invested in someone else?
I apologized like I always do, and obviously one thing led to another.
I made a mistake, one I can’t rectify.
It’s frustrating to find myself torn between two people. I care about my girlfriend a lot, and I don’t want to betray her. If I was able to get out of my own goddamn mind, I am certain I would choose her.
Because when Vio walked away after seeing Marrisa in my bed, the tears that I saw in her eyes after I called out to her, broke me.
Seeing the hurt and hearing the pain in her voice was heart-wrenching. It feels like I was betraying our trust in a way, even though she isn’t my girlfriend. I question my own judgment at times and wonder how I could have let things come to this point.
Because after all, she isn’t attached to anyone and that within itself means all the responsibility is on me. Vio never cheated, nor will she ever cheat.
The guilt and remorse that invade my senses are overwhelming and I find myself constantly replaying the moments that led to this hurt between the two of us.
Because we both have pain, one that we bonded over in a way.
I was vulnerable with her and every time I touched her or was jealous over a man, it made me feel like a hypocrite.
How can I be possessive over Violetta when I belong to someone else?
I wish I could turn back time and make different choices, waiting for Vio instead of getting into a relationship that ultimately puts me in a complicated situation.
