AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But it isn’t always easy to witness her jealousy, knowing I can’t resolve that feeling.
It’s a feeling I know all too well when I’m around her.
It’s left me torn between understanding my own insecurity when I don’t have any claim over her, and technically she thinks my interest is somewhere else.
But I have this unwanted need to reassure her that she’s the one I chose, even when I haven’t chosen her.
I wish she could see herself through my eyes, to recognize the depth of my feelings and the unwavering commitment I have for her.
It’s stupid for me to even think these emotions when my actions have shown anything other than that. But my thoughts are faithful to her every intention.
She has been hurt before, and those scars had woven themselves into the fabric of her being. I can’t fault her for that when I most likely have etched some more.
It’s so fucked.
I yearn to be the balm that soothes those wounds, to be the one who proves that affection can be a sanctuary, not a battleground.
But I’m a dumbass and a stupid fuck.
I know it and I own it.
Because what else am I supposed to do when I’m feeling this way about a woman and refuse to break up with a girl I don’t like anymore just because of obligation?
Despite the occasional turmoil her jealousy causes, there is an undeniable beauty in her passion. Her jealousy is a reminder that we are alive, that we have this connection that’s real and tangible.
It would be wrong for me to pray for it to disappear, knowing that I’m lost in this abyss that’s her.
So I embrace her jealousy, knowing I’ve felt the exact same way. If I could wrap my arms around her, I would whisper words of affirmation and shower her with affection. I want her to feel secure and cherished, to understand that what she feels is reciprocated.
But I don’t because I can’t.
My girlfriend is standing with us at this moment.
Instead, I wait for that look to dissipate as her resolve rises.
“Blondie! Look at you being a badass,” I tease, trying to lighten up the tension I feel between the two of us.
“Thank you.” She takes my words as a compliment, which is completely my intention. I hug her, leaving out all the things I really want to say to her.
“I missed you,” she whispers in my ear only for us to share. “Did you miss me?”
“You know I did.” My tone is as if I’m being tortured when in reality, I’m the cause of my own torment.
We pull away. “I’m glad you’re here,” she announces to everyone, leaving the simple moment we just had behind.
Both she and I needed that. I know it, she knows it.
“You know I wouldn’t miss it,” I tell her genuinely.
“Well, you didn’t have to come. I know it’s the day of love, which leads me to apologize to your beautiful girlfriend.” She looks away from me to Marrisa.
“No worries. You were great out there.” Marrisa encourages.
“Thank you.” Vio gives her a small smile.
“We haven’t properly met.” Marrisa reaches out her hand to take Vio’s. “I’m Marrisa, Xavier’s girlfriend.” A smile is on her face as she greets Vio.
“It’s nice to meet you. The last time I saw you, let’s just say I shouldn’t have been there.” Her tone is cheeky, making both me and Marrisa chuckle. Marrisa’s chuckle is one of genuine laughter and mine is etched with embarrassment and pain. “I’m Vio, your boyfriend’s friend,” she responds with a handshake, one that’s awkward at first since Vio is left-handed.
