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Xavier told me he was coming while I was on the plane.
I stepped out onto the bustling streets of Monterrey and immediately was enveloped by the vibrant energy that flows through the city. The rhythm of life here is infectious, and it’s impossible not to be swept up in its embrace. The vibrant colors of the buildings, the fragrant smells of street food wafting through the air, and the lively chatter of people all around create a sensory symphony that sets the stage for the days ahead.
It all reminded me of a city Xavier would love.
Everything reminds me of him. It’s confusing.
When I was walking through the city, I passed by charming cafés and stylish boutiques. The women I encountered exuded a sense of confidence and grace. Something I don’t see when I look in the mirror.
I wonder how they do it.
Is it a mask?
Are we all inherently insecure or is it something that a select few people experience?
I had all these questions, and nothing could lead me to a conclusion.
So I kept walking and admired the setting around me, trying to forget everything that was building up inside me emotionally.
Monterey’s natural beauty is truly awe-inspiring. Nestled between rugged mountains, the city boasts breathtaking views at every turn.
I then went toFundidoraPark, a lush oasis in the heart of the city. I sat down on a few benches along the park’s winding paths, looking at the captivating serenity of the lakes and the vibrant blooms that dot the landscape.
Water in some ways represents different parts of life.
The lake’s water is carried into different places just like we carry ourselves through different paths, never adhering to one in specific. Each drop of water is an action we take that forms the lakes and seas that are our lives.
It reminds me so much of the simple action I could take to affect my own body of water until it reaches a place I never knew I could reach.
I could tell Xavier how I feel.
The words that could come out of my mouth are like that single drop of water that could lead me through a path much bigger than my perspective allows.
I sat on those benches for hours until the park closed.
It was dark once I stepped back into the city. I found myself drawn to the enchanting sounds of live music emanating from the local venues. The passionate rhythms of salsa and cumbia filled the air, and I watched couples dotting on each other.
The vibrant nightlife in Monterey is a testament to the city’s celebration of love, something I’ve wanted for such a long time. Yet, I haven’t been able to grasp it in my hands.
Watching all these people in love made me feel even worse.
Because I couldn’t help but yearn for what was in front of me. As a professional athlete that aspires to something bigger than a love life. Sometimes it feels like I can’t aspire to have both success and love simultaneously.
Being a strong woman on occasion is perceived as someone who doesn’t yearn for love.
But what’s a life without love in it?
I’m not saying that every person wants to be romantically involved with another. But the notion that strong women don’t want or have time for it, is a bunch of crap.
Because the whole idea of a strong woman is that she can do everything at once, why not let her love someone all the same?
Everyone deserves love.
For the longest time, I didn’t think I did, but when I saw those couples carelessly dancing together, I realized that even if someone else didn’t love me, that doesn’t mean I haven’t earned the right to the intimacy and devotion of someone.
I have and I’m tired of letting myself think differently.
After my semifinal in Qatar, I’ve become increasingly more confident in my abilities.
