AllFreeNovel
Share Us
In this room that screams money, I feel like an intruder. The grandeur surrounding me serves as a constant reminder of the life I never had, a life that my mother never had. The allure of wealth has lost its appeal, leaving behind only a bitter taste in my mouth. I turn away, unable to bear witness to this embodiment of the emptiness that comes with unearned affluence.
I have money, a lot of it.
But I earned every single cent, from the ground up.
This house is too large, too cold, and too eerie for me to ever want to live in it. Our apartment is better, even though it may seem small.
But even so, it has more life, more love.
It’s personal; it’s not just the bestowment of what I assume my biological father would call responsibility.
“They’re your blood.” He points at those god-awful creepy portraits.
“They lost that privilege when you raped my mother.” My tone is angry because, at this point, I’m fucking seething.
He flinches at my words. “Xavier, what I did to your mother is my biggest regret.”
I scoff. “Yeah, I guess. It’s whatever tough since you were never arrested for what you did to her.”
“I was drunk, but that doesn’t excuse what I did. I was not in my right mind when I did that to her. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“So you’re using the drunk excuse. Trust me, I’ve gotten shit-faced many times in my life and never once did I think of doing that to a woman. Get used to not forgiving yourself because I swear upon my life that I won’t forgive you, even when you’re dead. Don’t think that I’m here to forgive you for what you did to her just because you’re dying. In a sense, I feel bad for you. Cancer’s a bitch and no one deserves it, not even the most horrid people on this planet. But most of all, I feel bad that you never got to live and see me grow up. You didn’t get to know my mother’s amazing humor and the love she has for the people around her. My mother is the most compassionate person I’ve ever known and I’m not even close to sorry that I will never call you my father because you don’t deserve that title and you never will.” I’m out of breath.
My chest is rumbling with rage, and this feels like I’m finally getting it all out. Even though I hate seeing his face, I now understand why my mom sent me.
I’ve been holding this all in for years and sometimes addressing the things you dislike the most in the face relieves you of resentment toward yourself.
I’m the creation of this human being and for the longest time, I hated myself for it.
But here I stand, realizing that I’m better than he could ever be.
“Your anger is only natural. But I didn’t call you here to yell at me.” He doesn’t have a lick of anger on his face. It’s filled with hurt.
For a moment and just for that moment do I feel bad for causing him pain.
But it withers away the second he tells me my anger is only natural.
“Who are you to tell me that my reaction is natural? From the second I was born, I became a part of you, and yet you left me. Rightfully so, because I would never want my mom to live the pain of seeing her rapist have the privilege of being my father. Because you know what, it is a benefit. Not all this fancy shit that’s practically shoved in your face every second you walk through your own home. You may have your father’s money, but you don’t have the wealth of knowing your firstborn.”
“You may despise me, a hate I deserve every single bit of. But I wanted you to come here and meet your siblings.”
“Fuck you.”
I had to say it. Who is he to try to introduce me to the kids who grew up in this lavish prison while I was on the streets for most of my life?
“Xavier, don’t let your hate toward me become an extension of your siblings. They haven’t done anything to you.” He’s calm.
Fucking calm.
That makes me even more pissed.
“You know I’m actually a really nice guy normally. So you know what, sure, introduce me to the children who weren’t conceived out of pain and force.”
I have no emotion anymore.
I’m numb at this point.
“Not right now. You’re too riled up for me to introduce them to you. I understand that I ruined your childhood and it’s a regret I’ve lived with all my life.” He stops as a tear runs down his cheek. “But once I’m gone, I want you to connect with your siblings because I’ve taken so much from you and that’s the one thing I can give you.” He points at the table in the middle of the room.
