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“Maddie said Miss Jana’s going to be our new mama because you love her.” Morgan’s eyes stare back at me with so much hope that I fall onto my ass on the ice. She giggles, her nose crinkling in the same way Laura’s used to.
“I don’t know why Maddie thinks that, Morg,” I say softly, swallowing past the lump forming in my throat. I hold her hands and pull her closer to me, watching disappointment fill her face.
“I think it would be nice to have a mama to comb my hair and tuck me in.”
My heart cracks when I realize—this isn’t just about me. My daughters’ happiness is just as important as my own. I push to my feet and kiss the top of Morgan’s head.
“That would be nice, wouldn’t it, Bug?” Morgan nods as I take her hand. “Should we go get some hot cocoa now?”
“Yes, please!”
???
Jana blows on Morgan’s cocoa then offers a smile. “Here you go, love.”
“Thank you, Miss Jana,” Morgan says sweetly.
“Daddy, will you blow on mine?” Maddie asks, pushing her cup across the table. I meet Jana’s eyes over the rim of the cup as I blow over the hot drink. The steam warms my cheeks, and the smell of chocolate and peppermint fills my senses. Jana smiles, lifting her own cup to her lips.
“Here, Mads.” I pass the cup back to her, waiting until she has a solid grip on it to let go. She mutters a soft thank you before breaking her little sugar cookie into four pieces. She takes a bite then scowls.
“Miss Jana’s cookies are better.”
Jana laughs, a welcome sound to my ears. “Well, thank you, Maddie.”
“Do you make lots of cookies, Miss Jana?” Morgan asks before taking a big bite from her own cookie. She chews it happily, waiting for the answer.
“Sure do!” Jana says, setting her cup in front of her and leaning forward. “I make sugar cookies, and chocolate chip cookies—”
“Gingerbread?” Maddie asks, her hazel eyes hopeful.
“Gingerbread is my favorite,” Jana says conspiratorially.
“Mine too!” the girls exclaim together. I chuckle, shaking my head.
“What about you, Alex?” Jana asks with a grin. “Do you have a favorite cookie?”
“Gingersnaps.”
“That’s interesting,” she says, tilting her head.
“They’re better with cocoa,” I say.
“That they are,” she agrees.
“Miss Jana…”
I watch her interact with my girls, my heart feeling at peace here with them—with her. For the first time in a long time, I’m not focused on the grief of losing my wife. As I twist my ring, Laura’s voice rings in my head.It’s okay.
There’s no guidebook to grief. No deadlines. Nobody to tell you how long is too long or how soon is too soon.
I catch Jana’s eye and grin. Everything feels perfect, and in that moment, I think I might be done waiting.
Chapter Thirteen
Jana
The smell of gingerbread fills the house, bringing the Christmas spirit to life within these four walls. Hadlee is putting the finishing touches on the tree while I clean up the evidence of my baking. I hum along to the Christmas song echoing through the house, truly feeling like myself for the first time in a long time.
