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“That’s an inspiring speech. I don’t know why, but that actually helped my anxiety go away. I’m thinking less about what I need to do and more about giving my whole life to God. That... That actually does make me feel...free.”
“The truth shall make you free.I think sometimes we struggle a little bit with that, but maybe the idea that God is in control, and that all we need to do is trust in Him, and that doesn’tsetus free, itmakesus free. There’s a difference.”
Dakota had to admit she never noticed the difference. But from the way Lana talked, she assumed that people took the Bible verse and changed the word “make” to “set.”
It was a subtle difference, but one that made all the difference. At least to her. She didn’t want to be set free, she wanted to be made free.
The anxiety that had been gripping her had faded. It was still there, she could feel it, but the idea that it wasn’t all on her, that it was all on God, and all she had to do was trust and obey. So simple, a simple concept, but so hard for her to do. She wanted to take a hold of life and twist it to suit what she wanted.
“Is Ryan doing a good job?” Lana asked, changing the subject.
For a while, Dakota had almost forgotten that Ryan was Lana’s son. “I suppose he is. I’ve been avoiding him.”
“And why is that? Did he do something? Would you like me to talk to him?” Lana sounded truly concerned.
“No. He didn’t do anything.” How could she tell Lana that Ryan was the father of her child? That was Ryan’s information to tell his mother, right?
Maybe. Maybe not, regardless, it wasn’t information for today. She had to tell her daughter before she told anyone else. And she hadn’t figured out an easy way to do that.
“I miss my horse,” she said, not even realizing that she was going to say that. But finding out that it was true. “Always before when I have something to think about or a problem, I could go out, brush her, and... It sounds crazy, but I felt like she understood. I mean, obviously she never gave me any advice, I promise you.”
Lana laughed. “I wasn’t concerned that you were getting your advice from a talking horse, although if you had said that, I might be a little bit more concerned about your sanity.”
“And rightfully so.”
They grinned at each other, and Dakota found that just being reminded that God was in control, that whatever happened was part of His plan, and accepting that truth would make her free, had done wonders for her. Of course, if she was being honest, the fact that Lana had offered to be her mother and assured her that the town was not going to allow her to be homeless, or to fail, helped her, too.
“I have a tendency to want to have faith in my bank account. In the money there, and instead of trusting in God.”
“I think we all struggle with that. But you know that God can add or take away from that money at any time.”
“I know.” Boy, did she ever. Especially when she had been taking care of her gram, there had been times when she hadn’t known how she was going to buy food, then a neighbor would come by with a casserole, or a church member would drop off a gift card to the grocery store, or someone would bring a check by for work that she had done that she didn’t even remember she hadn’t been compensated for, and it was God taking care of her all of those times. It was funny how she forgot over and over again.
But maybe part of that stemmed from losing the foundation of having her grandmother there. Maybe she’d been putting some of her trust in people, rather than the Lord. When losing those people shook everything she knew and believed, she probably had been depending on them too much.
“Every experience you have, every time God comes through for you, it makes you a little wiser, a little more secure knowing that you can trust Him.”
“I wish I were wise.”
“I think that’s one of those things that come with age. Don’t wish it too fast, because youth fades, but I suppose I wouldn’t trade anything that I had in my youth for the wisdom that I feel like I have now, although I suppose part of that is the wiser I feel, the less I feel like I know. If that makes sense.”
“It’s a paradox, but I think I understand. Sometimes it’s better to not know what you don’t know, because sometimes knowing that there is so much you don’t know is scary.”
“Not going to disagree with you there. But the solution is the same no matter what, to the fear anyway. God. And just knowing the truth that you can trust Him. That’s what makes you free.”
Dakota nodded, and they chatted for a bit more before she walked back to her apartment, completely in a different mind frame than she had been when she hurried out.
Talking to someone who was willing to share their wisdom had been priceless. But also holding onto the truth that she didn’t have to stress, that she could just rest in God’s plan, was even better.
Now, if she could just remember that and put it into use on a daily basis.
