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She refused.
There were foggy memories from that night. She wanted to think that they were all obliterated by the alcohol that she consumed, as though that somehow let her off the hook for the way she acted that night, and the things she allowed to happen, the things that she did. The things she encouraged.
“I don’t want to talk about that.” Ever. She didn’t ever want to talk about that.
“Not talking about it doesn’t make it not happen.”
“Don’t you think I know that? There’s a little girl over there that reminds me every single day of what happened that night.”
“A little girl I love.”
“I love her too,” she said, just as fierce as she had been speaking, even though his words had pulled the anger right out of her.
“There. You’re angry,” he said, smiling and allowing one of his fingers to trace down her cheek.
“Not anymore.”
“Short-lived. I like it.”
“I’m still right though. It’s no good. None of it is any good.”
“Can’t we build something together? You and me. Along with the girls.” He sounded like he was pleading with her, and she knew if she stayed there, he’d talk her into whatever castles in the sand he was building. She didn’t want sandcastles. She wanted a reality. She wanted a solid life. Dependability. Someone who wasn’t going to go chasing after the next championship or the next girl that caught his fancy.
Although, if she were being honest, Ryan chased after the first but never the second.
“Let me go,” she said, even though he wasn’t really holding her.
He dropped his hand immediately, and disappointment crossed his face. “Dakota, tell me what you want. Please. What will it take?”
“I don’t know,” she said, and that was honest. She really didn’t know. Didn’t know if she could ever go back into a relationship.
“I was always a good friend,” he stated, and she had to agree.
“You were.”
“And you are the best friend I ever had.”
“I’m sorry.” She laughed a little. If she was the best friend he ever had, he was sure lacking in the friends department.
“Don’t be.” He smiled a little, but his look was sad.
She pushed up, offering her hand as they used the leverage between them to stand to their feet. “I guess neither one of us are going to church tomorrow.”
“Or both of us are going, and we’re each going with each other.”
She laughed. Shaking off the melancholy that had descended upon her. Thoughts about what might have been. Thoughts about what was. About the memories that she’d suppressed for a long time. Things she didn’t want to face about herself. But she felt like he was right. She was wiser than she used to be.
They walked over, picking up their kites and figuring out how to untangle the strings. It wasn’t hard, and they set to work getting the kites in the air again. This time staying far enough away from each other that there was no chance of them getting tangled up together.
Fifteen minutes later, they had their kites flying high and walked back over to the girls who had found an interesting piece of driftwood and had used it to start making a house in the sand.
The girls were so intent on what they were doing that they were shocked to turn and see them coming back with the kites up.
“I can see we’re going to be teaching this again,” Ryan said as the girls jumped up peppering them with questions about how they did it.
“Yay! That means we’ll be coming to fly kites again,” Maddie said happily, like she had been concerned that this would be the only time she would ever go kite flying with her mother and Ryan.
They handed the kites off to the girls and stood side by side, watching them run down the beach with them flying in the air.
