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I glanced at the clock and cringed.
It was only eight o’clock.
He wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
Yanking up his pants, he kicked Cassie before walking over to the couch and sat down.
“Get me a beer, you shit,” he growled.
This was the part I hated.
Leaving Jessie.
Squeezing her hand tight, I got to my feet and left her sitting there in the corner of the living room to do as he ordered. Staying close to the wall, I made it to the kitchen and the fridge.
After grabbing him a beer, I noticed a large knife on the counter next to a sink full of soapy dishwater. I didn’t know what made me grab the knife. All I knew was that one minute I was looking at it, the next it was in my hands.
Carefully making my way back into the living room, I stopped when I saw Cassie lying on the floor, her face bleeding, and her clothes torn from her body. When she turned to face me, I saw the fear in her eyes and something inside me snapped.
Gripping the knife firmly in my hands, I walked over to Toxic and handed him the beer. The second his fingers wrapped around the cold can, something inside me unfurled, something dark and evil inside me. It swallowed me whole, taking me over. I felt powerful for the first time in my life as I slashed the knife across his face, from his right eye down to his chin. Blood spurted everywhere. He screamed, jumping to his feet. His cries soothed me. I wanted to hear more as I stared at the blood dripping onto my hand. The warm smell of copper filled my nose.
The smell was delicious.
I wanted to taste it.
I raised the knife to my mouth, only to have it slapped away from me as pain sliced across my face, snapping me out of my trance. I raced back to Jessie to protect her as Toxic cursed loudly, trying to stop the blood flow. On some level, I knew what I did was wrong, but I didn’t care. I would do anything to protect Cassie and Jessie.
If I only knew, the one who needed protecting was me.
Sandman... age 10,
The door creaked as it swung open.
I knew it was him.
It’s always him. Since the day I cut him, my life has never been the same. He took me from the only home I ever knew and thrust me into a world of pain and darkness.
“Where the fuck are you?” he shouted. “You stupid fucking cunt, get out here!”
I don’t want to. I knew why he was here.
I still hurt from the last time he was in my room.
I could already smell the burning ash of his cigarette.
The smell instantly made me sick to my stomach.
My room was small. Only big enough for a twin bed and a small desk. I shouldn’t complain. I could have nothing. There was only one place to hide in my room, and he knew it. When the closet door opened, he sneered as he grabbed me by my hair. “Fucking stupid cunt!”
He gripped my hair tightly as he yanked me from my hiding spot, then threw me towards my bed. Quickly clamoring to sit on it, I said nothing.
“Fuck, you are useless,” Toxic shouts. “Just like your mother!”
I barely remembered my mom.
I was young when Toxic took me away. I know she used to sing to me. She had a pretty voice. That’s all I remember. I don’t have any memories of my dad. Was he a good dad or a bad one? Did he love me? Did he even want me? I don’t know what either of them looked like. I don’t even have a picture. Just the memory of my mom’s voice.
For a long time, I wanted to believe Cassie was my mom. I knew she wasn’t, but she was nice to me. I missed her and Jessie. I tried not to think about them. I cried when I did. Toxic hated when I cried. He would call me all kinds of names and hit me until I stopped.
