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He nods.“The lovely Liv is back.”
At the news, the tips of my fingers go numb and my hearing goes fuzzy.But I’m still painfully aware of the disappointment that crosses Nick’s broad, kind face.“You haven’t told her yet, have you?”
“I tried,” I say tiredly.Then I force myself to be honest.“I didn’t try hard enough.I was too scared, and now there’s no good way to do it.None.I’m fucked.”
Nick shakes his head in that not-mad-but-disappointedway that’s been a favorite of my parents and teachers and bosses since I was a kid.Now I can add my surrogate grandpa to the list of people I’ve let down.Fucking great.
Then another thought hits.Liv wants me to dance for her.Well, Luke.But still.It thrills me and has me burning with jealousy at the same time.
“This could be your chance to make things right.”Nick runs a hand down Roo’s back, and she wriggles in ecstasy.I swear, that’s how I felt last week when I got to run my hand down Liv’s back.
“How?”I ask, my eyes searching his face for some kind of answer.“Every option’s shit.”I hold up my hand and tick off the likely course of action finger by finger.“First, I tell her.”One finger down.“Then that makes her pissed as hell that I’ve been lying to her.”Two fingers.“And finally, she hates me forever.”Three fingers.“Nobody wins.”I spread my hand wide to show that I’ve ended up with nothing.
Nick’s silent for a beat.“Well, if you’re not going to tell her, at least try not to make things worse.”Then he says, “Five minutes.VIP room two.”
He whistles for Roo and leaves me to get ready to be alone with Liv in a dark, private space.On autopilot, I pull on my red booty shorts, the hat and beard, the sunglasses, then leave to face my fate.
Nick did me a solid by putting me in room two at least.It’s kitted out with red lighting that turns the small space into a dark, sexy, almost surrealist chamber.It’s the room you book for the wildest private shows, the ones where a little anonymity is best for all involved.And maybe that’s the answer.Keep it anonymous, keep it short, keep it impersonal.When we see each other again at Verdant, act like normal and she’ll never be the wiser.Let her leave town in a few weeks and forget all about this.All about me.I can do that.
With my heartbeat throbbing in my ears, I push open the door to the private room, and the hallway light cuts a slice of white through the deep red enveloping her.She ignored the couch in the corner in favor of the padded stool in the center of the room, and her head snaps up like a startled deer when I step inside.Then the door swings shut and we’re alone in a room that glows with the color of my heart every time I look at her.
With this oppressive red lighting, she’ll be able to see my body, but as long as I keep the disguise on and limit my conversation, I might be able to get out of this without her realizing who she’s paying to keep her company.I’ll just keep my hands to myself.If she insists, I’ll let her touch my abs, and then I’ll thank her and leave.
Let her.Ha.I’ve imagined Liv touching my body so many times, it’ll be a miracle if I don’t fall at her feet and beg her to put her hands all over me.
Except that I can’t do that.Like Nick said, if I’m not going to tell her, I can at least not make things worse.The next ten minutes aren’t about me.They’re about her.I can push my feelings for her aside and give her whatever it is she’s looking for, then get out.
Nick must’ve started the music because the dark, sexy beat of my private dance playlist fills the room and, I hope, gives me cover as I lower my voice to a whispery growl.
“Hi there.”
“Hi,” she says, and I brace myself for the excuses I heard over lunch with Gabe and Darby.She doesn’t normally do this.This isn’t like her.She’s never doing this again.Shit I didn’t enjoy hearing from her then and won’t enjoy hearing from her now.
“You should know something.”She crosses one leg over the other and adjusts the hem of her short ruffled skirt.I’ve never seen it on her before, and well, let’s just say that getting hard and staying hard while I dance for her won’t be a problem.
Fuck.No.Focus onher.
“What’s that?”I ask, rolling my hips as I walk forward.Giving her what she came here for.
She takes a deep breath and lets it out.“I’m a little obsessed with you.You’re the Christmas gift I’m giving myself.Well, my friend CJ’s giving me.”She laughs.“So much for no names.”
“Santa-client confidentiality.”It’s time to be Santa Luke for her.“What’s your name, beautiful girl?”
“Liv.”She smiles as she says it, her teeth a bright contrast to her face under the dim lighting.
“So, Liv.”I prowl around her in a circle, keeping my voice low and my chin tilted down so she’s mostly getting hat and sunglasses.“Naughty or nice?”
She laughs shakily.“That’s what you asked me last time.”
I’m behind her now and lean forward and brush her hair to the side.“I know,” I murmur into her ear, inhaling her sweet scent.“I remember.”
She gives a little jolt.“You do?”
I move to her other ear, this time letting my lips make contact with the soft lobe.“Of course I do.Now what can Santa bring you for Christmas?”
I’m still standing behind her.It feels safer that way.I can whisper in her ear and pretend it’s not me.Or maybe pretend itisme.Pretend she knows it’s me.
Fuck.That’s dangerous thinking.I have to push that all aside so we can both get out of this unscathed.
