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I could have still chosen to finish my remaining two years the way I started my first two, with a mediocre performance, waiting out my time. But I had just turned eighteen. I was headstrong, stubborn, and heartbroken. So I became a career soldier. I put everything I had into it. Rose within the ranks as if Mike would have cared that, ten years later, I threw my rank as first female colonel under thirty into his face. By then, he had four kids and was happily married to his matched wife.
As much as I tried to tell myself that I didn't envy him for it, part of me smarted at seeing him having everything I had dreamed of as a young girl.
My short time as a Traiton prisoner and the subsequent torture bought me the right to choose my next assignment, and when a spot opened up as one of the military leaders of a ship bound for Thyre to free the human colonists from Thyre oppression, I volunteered. Ten years in hyper sleep sounded perfect to me to forget about Mike and the family I wished I had had with him.
That hyper sleep didn't quite work like that had been eye opening, but then the thrill of the mission took over. Fighting the Vandalls to create a secure FOB—Forward Operating Base—for our main mission goal, had been exhilarating.
At first.
Soon though, it became clear that not only was our firepower superior to anything the Vandalls could dream of, and that the Vandalls weren't the Thyres, but that there weren't any traces of humans to be found.
Still, I followed my orders, relayed them to my troops and led my squad into unfair battles, because I understood that the first goal was to establish and secure our FOB. From there, we would attack the Thyres, therealenemy, the ones who held our fellow humans prisoner.
Every day, with every battle that wasn't really a battle but a slaughter, my conscience reared until I brought my doubts up in a meeting.
They called me weak. They called me an enemy lover, and worst of all, they called me a bleeding-heart woman who had lost her nerve when I pointed out that there were other ways to secure our FOB and subdue the indigenous people, the Vandalls.
That was the day before King Uthar slaughtered my entire squad and took me prisoner. Something that, in hindsight, should have never happened. Not with my battle experience and not with our superior power, including infrared drones and radar, which inexplicably ceased to work when we entered the seemingly abandoned village.
Now I wondered if my words during the meeting had triggered my superiors. I knew I hadn't been the only one with doubts. I had spoken to other colonels who had expressed similar misgivings about our operations. I just happened to be the one to speak up.
With some distance from it and having been prodded by Alahna, I wondered if they used me as an example.See what happens when you don't toe the line?
I watched it happen before.
Before though, I had chosen to learn my lesson from it and be a good soldier, one who followed orders no matter what, instead of a thinking one. One who called her superiors out on their bullshit.
At least it wasn't too late. I would give the Terran Confederation one more chance to make this right, to prove me wrong, to show me that they were what I thought they were and not the corrupt organization I feared they turned into or had always been.
Behind me, Kendryx stirred in his sleep, and I wished I could fall asleep too, but my past and our situation haunted me as much as my wildly working mind. I hadn't slept much since I became a prisoner. When I closed my eyes at night, I saw them: Tommy, Sue, Rae, Stephen. I knew all their names, all ten of them. The ten soldiers I led into a trap. The ten soldiers who were killed by King Uthar's men for following my orders. It didn't matter that I had been duped like them, I had beentheircolonel, they had trustedme. I had been responsible for them, and most nights, I wished I was as dead as they were, so I didn't have to think about them or remember their names and faces.
An arm snuck around me, pulling me tightly against a hard chest. Against my back, I felt the steady, hard thrum of Kendryx's heart and closed my eyes. He was an enigma to me.An enigma that can fuck you like no one's business, my mind supplied, and I sighed.
Yes, our sex had been exactly what I had imagined it would be, but it wasn't the sex that weighed on my mind. It was what had followed, how he held me now, and how I felt about it. Most disturbing of all was that I liked it. Liked it very much.
ThesamedimlightingI had fallen asleep to greeted me when I opened my eyes. For a moment, I thought I was back on King Uthar's ship as the inside of the hull had a similar layout, only smaller, but something hard poking into my back and warm breath against my neck as well as arms slung around me quickly stopped that illusion, making me sigh in contentment, and I pressed my ass into Kendryx's hard morning wood and thought,why not? For one, I more than enjoyed sex with him yesterday. Two, it was a welcome distraction. Three, it would make me feel good. And four, there was not one single argument I could come up with for not doing it.
As a member of the Armed Forces of the Terran Confederation, I carried an implant in my arm to prevent pregnancy, and I had been injected with the antidote to any sexual disease known to man—yes, I was well aware that there was a possibility of a Thyre carrying a sexual disease beyond the knowledge of the Terran Federation, but for some reason, I doubted Kendryx carried one. Again, yes, doubting and assuming are not the same as knowing, or preventing, but in all honesty, I had other worries on my mind than whatever sexual disease Kendryx might or might not carry. I wasn't even sure if I would still be alive at the end of the week.
So I twisted in his arms, grabbed his cock, and began warming up even more to the idea of having a morning romp on the furs this time. Not out in the open.
An idea he obviously reciprocated.
Afterward, I learned how to make breakfast by adding some kind of dried pancakes to a pot of water hanging over the fire and waiting for it to dissolve and cook. And just like the other meals I had been eating since becoming a prisoner, this one was also delicious. Not as good as what Alahna served at her table, but a lot better than the fare of the Terran Confederation.
Kendryx and I traded more words for objects with one another, learned what eat, sleep, you, and me meant in each other's language, and with our growing vocabulary, we were actually able to exchange a few sentences.Like, do you want more stew? The water is almost ready.
Unfortunately,now whatwasn't on the list of words yet, so I pointed up and raised my shoulders in question.
He shrugged, and we moved to the deck, where cold wind greeted us, ripping at my halfheartedly fastened bun and untwisting it, making it blow in the breeze.
I reached my hands up to secure the knot again, but Kendryx stilled them. His eyes were warm as he shook his head and said, "Kenduczi."
I kind of liked the sensation of the wind whipping my hair around and even more how Kendryx looked at me, so I lowered my hands and smiled at him.
We moved to the stern, and I stared at the endless horizon that spread to all sides no matter where my eyes moved to. Nothing but sea surrounded us.
It was beautiful, disorienting, and alien all at once. I leaned into Kendryx while getting used to the constant twilight.
