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I want Arlo.
“Talking of brothers, have you heard anything today about Zach? Did Leo and Reid say if they found anything?”
“I asked them not to look.”
“So, you’re left with more questions than answers.”
“Yeah.” First up was how could he just drop his own child off like this, without any warning or preparation? And how could he expect me to keep Charlie safe when I didn’t know if Zach was in danger too. Why would he separate himself from his own child if he wasn’t facing some kind of threat? It was all so baffling, and a familiar knot of anxiety tightened in my chest.
I knew I had to do everything in my power to protect Charlie. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but worry about Zach’s safety. Had he gotten himself into a dangerous situation? Was he trying to protect us, or was he running away from his responsibilities? Was he running away from Charlie? And who was the other man, the one Arlo had seen?
Mixed emotions swirled within me, but one thing was clear: I had a precious baby to care for now, and I would do whatever it took to keep him safe.
“I hope that Zach comes back soon and gives us some answers.” I couldn’t imagine him not coming back for Charlie—we were twins, and hell, I’dfeelit if Zach was a criminal. I’d know through the twin thing if he was a bad person. Right?
“I’m sure Zach loves his son, Jax. After all, he left him with the best person for the job.”
Arlo’s word made me feel warm, and my tension eased.
An hour had passed as we talked about work, and all the serious Charlie stuff in between. It was a stark contrast to our usual banter, but Arlo staying on Friday, helping out with Charlie, sitting next to me on the sofa had created a connection that was one more step in my falling for him, and yet, I was still not brave enough to say a damn thing to his face.
What would it be like to have this conversation snuggled on the sofa, him with his arms around me, holding me close to his broad chest, making everything seem right in my world? What would it be like if he wanted that back?
Eventually, the conversation wound down, and Arlo yawned on the other end of the line. “I should let you get some rest. But, thanks for your help on Friday, with Charlie I mean, and then taking me to my parents’ place.”
“Anytime,” he replied, his voice softening. “Go Team Byrne Construction!”
I stared at my cell a long time after we exchanged goodnights, watching until the screen went black as it powered down into sleep mode, then made my way to the kitchen. I contemplated food, but instead of the real stuff that Arlo would’ve made me, I grabbed a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough, then headed back up to the bedroom with a spoon and my Kindle loaded with the latest construction magazines.
Time to watch Charlie sleep, lose myself in bricks and mortar, sidings and soffits, yard work and drainage, and not think about Zach and what he might be doing, and what danger he might be in, and how long I would have Charlie, and whether it would ever be long enough to be with him.
I wasn’t going to think about Arlo.
But it was Arlo’s smile and the confusion that was me wanting him here, and the fact he was out there looking to date, and I still hadn’t told him how I felt that kept me awake far longer than I wanted. In fact, I’d barely fallen asleep when Charlie woke for a feeding.
Ah, the life of a single, frustrated and confused, uncle.
ChapterFourteen
Arlo
The phone callwith Jax unsettled me, and I was also confused and muddled. I placed my phone face down on the cushion of the sofa and poked at the chicken salad I’d made for dinner. It was a perfectly fine salad, lots of chicken, even some homemade croutons, and a splash of homemade dressing, but I didn’t have an appetite. I knew Jax hadn’t meant to poke the bear inside me that was missing my brothers, but that was what had happened.
I didn’t have long to wait until I saw them both—seventeen days until they were both supposed to be here for Thanksgiving—and it saddened me that Sutt might not make it. I’d handled Trace going to college a lot better because Sutton had still been at home. I still felt needed, validated, but with Sutton gone as well now, I was just freaking sad, and Jax was right, Iwaslonely. I had way too much time on my hands to think about all the things I should be doing with my life.
I’d given up studying architecture to become a dad to my brothers. I’d gone into construction because I had a knack for carpentry and it was as close to architecture as I could get, and I didn’t regret either of those things. Should I use this chance with them both gone to go back to college? California State University in Sacramento had a reasonable architecture program, and I had all the application forms printed and laid out on my desk—I’d even spoken to the department administrator. They’d take my single year at Cornell, and they’d give me some credit, plus it looked good that I’d worked construction. I could get a place, and with the life insurance money all three of us had squirreled away to pay for some of our college tuition, I didn’t have to worry too much about scholarships or loans.
Not to mention, if we sold this house, we’d probably have a good amount for each of us to buy our own properties/places/homes. The one thing anchoring me here was how I felt about Jax, and…
He hadn’t reacted the right way to me telling him about the date.
God, I wished I had an excuse to go over to Jax’s and sleep there. We’d talk, laugh, and I could hold Charlie, and maybe, I could even work up the courage to tell Jax it wasn’t all about loneliness that meant I stayed with him, or wanted to be with him, and that I hadn’t wanted to date Wilton at all.
It was something more, something I fought for so long, which was now front and center in my life.
Not love, not yet, but need and desire and want all rolled into the urge to kiss Jax and find out if what I imagined could be real. But… what if we kissed and it was nothing?
We’d kiss, realize it was awful, things would get awkward, and then, that would be it, friendship over. “Jesus, my head hurts.”
