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“On your phone?”
“Yep.”
“What did you type in?”
“Teeny tiny hardhats,” I said, with an impliedduhat the end. “Oh, never mind; that just shows miniature safety helmets for a kids construction party.”
“Yeah, maybe try children’s hardhat instead.”
I loved that Arlo was taking this so seriously, and I tried the new search, but neither that, nor baby hardhats, filled me with confidence, and I sighed with disappointment. “Let’s face it, I won’t be bringing Charlie on site.”
Arlo laughed. “And I told you that you won’t need to. We’ve got you covered for the next few days.”
“Yeah, but what about after that? What happens if Zach is away for a long time?” Or never comes back. I heard him sigh, but I forged ahead. “I probably need a nanny, or maybe a manny. That’s a thing, right? A male nanny, maybe a sexy one?”
Arlo was quiet. “Sure,” he said after a pause. “A manny is a thing.”
“Not that I want a sexy manny, or a nanny. I promised I’d keep Charlie safe.”
“Well, that’s one of those bridges we can cross when we get to it. Don’t worry for now, okay? I got you, and we can work this out.” I heard movement and the sound of a door closing, wondering where he was in his big old house. I knew he spent most of his time in the study, where there were sofas and bookshelves, but the door closing meant he was moving about. “You still there?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to know something?” His voice echoed as if he were in a bigger emptier room, and I could picture the huge dining room that didn’t have furniture in it at all. It had been where their mom painted and had done all her crafting, and they’d emptied it and closed it off. I wondered what he was doing in there, but I didn’t ask. “I miss… Charlie,” Arlo admitted, his voice soft now, and filled with longing. “I liked holding him.”
“I liked you holding him,” I blurted as my mouth worked faster than my brain. I had that clear mental image of Arlo, in his white T-shirt, glancing over his shoulder at me, his bright eyes filled with emotion, a soft smile on his face and baby Charlie peeking over. I wished I’d taken a photo because that one image had been perfect, and if I had it, I could call it up on my phone and just stare. Arlo would make a good dad to babies of his own, and the idea of us being dads together made my heart hurt with wanting.
Fuck. I changed the subject before Arlo’s silence becamemore.
“Anyway, back to work. How’s the project looking without me? Any major hiccups you’re worried about if I’m not there?”
Arlo took the conversational baton and ran with it, launched into a detailed description of the construction project, his passion for our work evident in his voice. “… listed all the parts, so it’s all good, and Dan has said he’s cool with overtime, which I approved as long as that’s okay?” I made a sound of agreement and Arlo forged on. “I have an electrician on standby, and for the drainage issue, we have Kyle. Remember him from the city project?”
“Yeah, good guy.”
“So, between me and Dan, we can handle work for as long as you need. We have this.”
Listening to him talk about it made me realize that, yes, he reallydidhave this. As we continued our whispered conversation about steel beams, concrete foundations, and project timelines, it struck me how much I craved listening to Arlo speak, and as exhaustion stole over me, I closed my eyes and drifted away to the sound of his voice.
“… and then Sutt said he might not make it back.”
I blinked back to the conversation—it was apparent that I’d missed a lot because, Sutton was Arlo’s brother, and nothing to do with construction. “Huh?”
“Sutt said he might not make it for Thanksgiving.”
“That’s shit. They should make you a priority.” What made me say that?
Arlo chuckled. “They’re kids in college, why would they want to connect with their boring-ass big brother?”
Maybe as a thank you for the fact you stopped your life and looked after them?
“Kids,” I agreed because I didn’t know what else to say.
“They need to fly. They don’t need me,” Arlo finished, and I knew that was the end of that part of the conversation, even if I wanted to dig deeper and talk out the worries Arlo carried, or the loneliness. Still, I pushed, because fuck it, I couldn’t see Arlo’s disappointed expression, but I could hear it in his voice.
“I’m glad Trace will be there. I don’t want you lonely in your big old house.”
“‘Lonely’? I have Panda visiting and looking out for me,” he joked, although I wasn’t sure it was a real joke and thought it might be more a commentary of what he was feeling. I let it drop because he sounded restless, and I didn’t want to chase him away, because I might have Charlie for however long he was with me, but I needed Arlo on the end of the phone.
