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“Do you have anything?” I blurted because, if this was real and we were going to… hell, we needed condoms, and lube, and… stuff… Jesus, it had been so long since I’d had any kind of sex without just my right hand for company, and if it was as explosive as it had been against the wall, then it was going to get out of hand quickly.
I was nervous, hands trembling even as they found Jax's, our fingers laced. His thumb stroked my skin.
“Yeah.” Jax's voice was a low rumble.
He squeezed my hand, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his smile. That smile never failed to spread warmth through me, soothing the chilly fingers of self-doubt that gripped me. Icouldremember how to do this, the cobwebs might not have been real, but I’d lifted him up, I’d gotten him off—Icoulddo this.
“We should make sure we have it all,” I replied and took a step closer, closing the small distance between us. We were in our own little world, away from the complexities of our everyday lives—Charlie, Zach, and the fact I’d been wanting this forever.
He tugged his hand free, darted into his room, then tiptoed back out and into the spare room, closing the door only enough that it seemed as if we had privacy. “He didn’t see me,” Jax said, in all seriousness, then chuckled. “I know,” he said before I could remind him that Charlie was a baby.
“How do we? I mean… look…” He smiled up at me, and I cradled his face as he tossed the condoms and lube on the wide bed. “I’m tested, negative. I haven’t been with anyone since…” I closed my eyes. “Not since I came home from college, and not much before. I’m just warning you that I might not be so good at this.”
He placed his hands over mine. “You kissed me, held me against a wall, and pretty much demanded I come in your hand. I think you’ll do all right.” I felt hot and hard and needy all at the same time. “But the sensible part, tested, negative, PrEP. I haven’t been with anyone since a tall guy with gorgeous gray eyes, and salt and pepper hair, turned up at a job interview.”
“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better,” I said, and he turned his face to kiss my palm. “I know I’m not cut the same as you, all model-hard?—”
“Stop right there!” He pressed a hand to my stomach—my soft belly that was testament to my sweet tooth. I was strong and happy, but I was under no illusions that I was as hard and chiseled as Jax.
“I love this; hell, do you know how often I look at you when your T-shirt rides up, when I see your happy trail, when I see the softness? Fuck, Arlo, I love the soft parts of you.” Then He slipped a hand into my sweats and circled my cock, and he smirked. “And the hard bits.”
“That’s the worst joke you’ve ever made,” I said, kind of preening that he said he liked my body, and that he’d been checking me out. I never thought he was the type of man who would want to look. Not at me anyway. Turned out I was wrong about a lot of things.
“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked.
It was the kind of question I’d dismissed—hadn’t Trace told me he’d fallen in love with his new girlfriend when they first met, and wasn’t that what my parents said had happened to them?
“Maybe,” I said hesitantly.
There was no way he felt the way I felt about him.
No way.
“I love you,” Jax blurted, then scrubbed his eyes, and took a breath as my world tipped upside down. “I need you to know that I love you, and maybe not the first day, or the moment you smiled at me, or the moment we laughed, or you stayed for the end-of-the-week beers. I love you, and not just as a friend, but as someone who makes me happy and fits together all the pieces in me.”
“Jax…”
“I know. I sound like an idiot.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I just?—”
I stopped him talking with a kiss, and from the moment our lips met, it was as if the world stopped, all the thoughts about what I felt and who I was slipped away in the heat of tasting Jax. Ripples of sensation radiated from that one point, goosebumps across my skin, my heartbeat was thunder in my ears. This wasn’t only a kiss, it was more than words, it was a promise and a reassurance, and it was everything.
Everything.
One of us moved. Or maybe we both did. The back of my thighs hit the bed, and I tangled my hands in his T-shirt and pulled him with me as I sat on the mattress so he straddled my lap, his hands in my hair, then behind my neck, locking there and holding me close.
I was so hard, so needy, and the thought of getting to touch him again, to lift him and wring out every moment of pleasure was heady and consumed me as our tongues tangled, and then, as he kissed my neck and my chin, wanting to mark every inch of me.
I’d never felt so open and vulnerable, but so damn confident at the same time, scared to ask for what I wanted, yet so damn bold in the way I held him where I wanted him. He whined low in his throat and wriggled. I broke the kiss and slipped my hands up and under his T-shirt, lifting it over his head, then easing out his arms. I’d seen him without a shirt before, on hot days when we’d finished on site and took the time to sit and stare at what we’d done. I’d watched him move, knew his red hair curled darker on his chest, and chestnut down in an intriguing treasure trail. I hadn’t seen below the belt when we’d used the wall in the gloom of the hallway, but now I wanted to look. I eased him off me and laid him on the bed, reaching to flick the bedside lamp switch, which of course turned on the Christmas lights.
A rainbow of color painted Jax’s skin, and I eased down his sweats and briefs—and he wriggled to help me—until he was finally, gloriously, naked right where I could see him.
“You have freckles here,” I murmured, kissing his belly, the sharpness of his hipbones, the V pointing down to his uncut cock and the dark chestnut of his hair. There were freckles everywhere, and I needed to kiss each one.
It was imperative.
