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I laughed, recognizing the familiar aroma of her signature Christmas cookies. “Wait. So, Jax knew about all of this?”
Trace waved a hand. “We might've had a little chat.”
Sutton rolled his eyes. “If chatting is making us see that we were fucking up.”
I checked both their expressions. Trace wouldn’t meet my gaze, but Sutton had a fire in his eyes that made no sense. “I don’t understand.”
“Sit down,” Sutton ordered, and when I didn’t move, he shoved me just enough so I fell in a heap on the sofa. My brothers took up spaces on the facing sofa, and Trace elbowed Sutton, which I assumed meant he wanted Sutton to explain. Confidence ran deep in the youngest of us.
“We decided when I went to college that we needed to give you space so you could have your own life,” Sutton began.
I stiffened. “What?”
The atmosphere was suddenly tense, and Sutton, with his dark hair and eyes, so much like Dad’s, was anxious, while Trace, always the more composed one, tried to hide whatever he was feeling behind a neutral expression.
“Okay,” I began, hesitant. “What's going on?”
Sutton glanced at Trace before he started. “We had reasons for not calling you as much, and for not coming back for Christmas, and yeah, they look stupid now, but yeah… reasons.”
Trace nodded. “Yes, we didn’t want to worry you about anything, and we gave you space, and it was because ofus.” Trace was trying to explain something, and I frowned, trying to decipher his convoluted statement.
“I'm not following.”
Sutton sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You gave up everything, Arlo. For us. And we stayed away these past months, and didn’t worry you about anything, because… we thought you needed space. To restart your own life.”
Ah. So that was what this was about. I raised an eyebrow. Not this again—and from my brothers this time. “And you think what? That my life is better for not knowing what’s going on with either of you at all?”
Sutton looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “It's just… you were so young when you stepped in and took care of us. We never wanted you to give up on your dreams because of us. But you did, you never went back to college, and then, you were here all alone, and…” Sutton glanced at Trace.
Trace added: “So when we were both away, we thought it would be good to not hassle you, just hoping you'd find time for yourself, Arlo. To, you know, live your life. So, when you and Jax, y’know…” Trace made a gesture with his fingers as if he were sword fighting. “We thought we’d just give you more time with him. Just to be happy.”
“Happiness isn't just about doing things for myself,” I explained, hoping my words would ease their minds. “Seeing you two grow up, get through school, become these amazing individuals… that's made me happy in ways I can't even describe.” I couldn't help but smile. I guessed they were trying to parent me now, in their own way. “I appreciate it. I really do. But I hadn’t been just putting my life on pause, guys. Sure, I never dated, but in the last few years it was always Jax anyway.”
“Awww,” Trace said, then went scarlet—having a girlfriend was making him a sappy mess.
“Really dude?” Sutton deadpanned, which caused Trace to punch his arm, and Sutton to pretend to be injured.
Idiots. Still, seeing them taking charge of their concern for me, I felt an odd mix of pride and reassurance.
I took a deep breath, processing their words. “Okay, I’m going to say this once, and then, we’re going to move on from this, and I’d better get messages with grades, and stupid jokes, and pictures on a daily, if not hourly, basis.”
They nodded. Their expressions were serious, a mix of concern and something resembling determination. It threw me, and I took a moment to get my thoughts in order.
“Firstly, it was my choice to stay here for you two. You're my family. I don’t regret a single day of coming home, of it being the three of us against the world.” I leaned forward, making sure I had their full attention. “Yes, everything changed when Mom and Dad died, and yes, I stepped up to keep us together. But you two mean everything to me. And while I might not have had the ‘typical’ young adult life, I don’t have any regrets. Every success you had, every soccer practice, every school play, every good grade, every moment we were together was worth it.” I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest. “Secondly, you messaging me with news and jokes and shit, could never derail the fact Jax and I are forever.”
Trace’s chin dropped, but all Sutton did was smirk. “I knew it!” he exclaimed. “That’s perfect.”
The two of them leaped up and dived at me, and we hugged so hard I could barely breathe.
“I love you both.”
Trace reared back. “What? Even Sutton?”
Sutton poked his brother, Trace shoved, and all too soon, the two of them were rolling on the floor laughing and shouting, and only stopped when I sat on them both.
“Idiots,” I declared.
After hugging and everything spilling out from Sutton about how he hated college so far, and when was it going to get better, we made drinks and settled beside each other in front of Mom and Dad’s photo. We drank cocoa, devoured the cookies, and reminisced about past Christmases. I didn’t get back to Jax’s house that night, but we did chat when I got a spare minute in my room, and I told him, point-blank, that I loved him so much it hurt.
