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I huff again. “I don’t want them to think I’m taking advantage and, to be honest, it just sits wrong. I like to pay the debts I owe.”
She nods, but I kinda of get the impression she thinks I’m being ridiculous.
“But you’re an omega.”
“But that came recently. I was twenty-four when I presented. No one believed me. For all intents and purposes, I’m a beta.”
She shakes her head. “You need safety. You like people hugging you? You crave that attention, that need to be claimed. When those drugs get out of your system, this is going to dial up to a hundred.”
I blink at her, nerves coiling in my stomach and making me want to vomit.
“All right, let’s start simply, the omega instinct to nest.”
“Oh, no, I don’t need to do that.” I say with relief. I shrug out of the blanket and fold it up, handing it back to her. She brushes her silver hair behind her ears and narrows her eyes.
“So, there is no place you go when you need to feel safe? No place that makes you feel better, where you allow yourself just to be?”
I start to deny it, but a thought cuts into my mind. “I like high places.”
Her eyebrows go right up. “High places? Well, there’s one I haven’t heard before. How does that work?”
I shrug. “I enjoy being up off the ground. In trees, on building roofs.”
“Well, that’s definitely something new.” She scratches her head and shakes it.
I squeeze my eyes closed. “How bad are things going to be? When it comes, the heat, I mean?”
“The hormones will be…somewhat difficult. You’ll be more sensitive to smells, to your instincts, yes, to nest, but also to challenge and test your alphas. You’ll notice your alphas more, become more attracted and attractive. They will, in turn, pay more attention to you. It will fuel the cycle until you enter a state of readiness that will be almost impossible to withstand. Aches, pain, need, emotional dysregulation. Your body and mind will seek an alpha, any alpha, to sate the need. And if it’s not sated, the pain will come.”
“Is it possible to deny the heat, to ride it out alone? With toys or something?” I know I’d been confident about it before, but I was starting to get nervous.
“Why would you bother? Just shack up with those boys and enjoy the ride.” Oma shrugs her thin shoulder and lays out a few more biscuits on a plate.
“But just say I don’t want to do anything this heat…will I be able to do it on my own?”
“No, love, I mean you could, but the pain…it would be too much, and those boys may need to fight for you. If you perfume in public, it will be open warfare without them claiming you. Omegas have died because alphas have fought so viciously for them that they didn’t realise they were killing the omega.”
“So, they will be just as affected as I am?” I hold my breath until I feel the panic subside.
“Yes, perhaps more so,” Oma says and reaches out, gently patting my hand.
I change the subject and listen to her stories until Darion arrives to pick me up. He leans on the door frame, ignoring me, while Oma gives me a few more pointers. Then he walks past me, drags the little old lady into the kitchen to talk privately. I could be a stranger on the street. I could be anyone. He’s just apathetic. It’s enraging, and I’m not sure why.
He hugs Oma and then ushers me out to the car. I glance at him but don’t break the silence between us. It’s the first time we’ve been alone together. I get into the passenger seat and wait for him to start the car.
“Darion?”
He glances at me, a quick flick of his eyes.
“I’m sorry about revealing Trin the way I did. It was cold and cruel.”
He snorts. “Don’t sweat it. You’re not the first woman to use something that might be a weakness against me. You won’t be the last.”
I sit back feeling like I’ve been slapped, but I can’t help but feel like I deserve it. I look out the window, staring at the ruined world as it passes us by. I’m hurting people that don’t deserve it. I close my eyes. Doing the right thing never felt more wrong.
Darion pulls up at a house. He crosses his wrists over the steering wheel and points a finger at the white house in front of us. It’s beautiful. A quiet little suburban home with white paint, blue trim, and a garden that’s green. My eyes burn, and I know I don’t deserve their kindness.
“That’s your family’s house. Lukas will pick you up in a couple of hours.”
