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Her mom had lost her job.
Colin rounded the corner, his lips poised in a half-smile, but he snapped them shut when he saw her expression and sat down silently across from her.
“Your father and I talked today.”
Allison placed a hand over her mouth to stop the groan rising up her throat. The email she’d sent to Jed had had exactly the effect she’d wanted. He hadn’t written back, nor had he crossed Allison’s mind since she hit send over two weeks ago.
“Mom, I can’t do this right now.”
“Allison, he told me about that email. How could you send such a thing?”
“How could—how couldI—” Allison crumpled the sheet ofnotebook paper in front of her in her fist. Its edges dug at her palm in an almost satisfying way. “Did he happen to mention the one he sent me? Where he didn’t once ask how I was and called me fat?”
Her tendency toward impulsiveness meant the words were out of Allison’s mouth before she remembered Colin was sitting there. He was doing his best to feign obliviousness, his face buried in his phone, AirPods tucked in his ears, but she saw the furrow in his brow and the tension in his neck, revealing how hard he was exerting himself not to look up.
Her mother’s sigh bashed against her eardrums. “You know how he is.”
“I do. And I don’t have to put up with it.”
“He’s your father.”
“I know, Mom.” Allison set her empty hand flat on the table, but it continued to tremble.
She couldn’t do this anymore. No matter how much Allison loved her mother, she couldn’t keep Jed in her life for her. Her voice shook as hard as her hands when she spoke again. “And if you have some kind of bond with him that overrides all the horrible ways he’s treated you, then so be it. But…” Allison closed her eyes, concentrating on finding the right words, on forming each syllable precisely on her tongue. She was afraid they wouldn’t fit through her lips otherwise.
Cool skin pressed over her hand. Her eyes flew open to find Colin’s fingers sheltering hers. Her heart squeezed. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d comforted her. If he ever had. And his expression wasn’t composed to offer advice or explain how he knew exactly how she felt in this moment; it was soft, caring. As if he recognized a source of pain he couldn’t challenge or surpass.
“But,” she repeated. “He’s my father. I have to decide what that means for me. And right now, I can’t handle his half-assed attempts at being in my life. They hurt too much.” She sounded so strained, so close to an edge she didn’t want to fall over, that she didn’t recognize her own voice.
Colin rounded the table and folded himself noiselessly into the chair beside her. He slid closer, until the corners of their seats kissed. His long legs were propped on either side of her chair. For someone so thin, Colin could take up an incredible amount of space, and his presence cocooned Allison in a way she wished she hated.
A single tear slipped past her defenses, the hot streak burning down her cheek. She raised her knuckles to catch it, but Colin’s hand was there first, his thumb gently blotting the wetness.
“You don’t know how much longer he’ll be around,” her mother said.
Sniffling, Allison sat back, her spine a hammer against the seat. “He said you’re blowing his heart stuff out of proportion.”
“And he never takes things seriously.” Her mother exhaled sharply. “I know he hasn’t been the best father.” A scoff tore from Allison’s lips. Her mom ignored it. “But you don’t want to have regrets. When he’s gone—”
“I’m not the one who’ll have regrets.” Another tear betrayed Allison, breaking away from her lashes. “I shouldn’t have to let him hurt me just because he’s my parent, Ma.”
“I think you’re wrong about this.”
“And I thinkyou’rewrong about this. I’m not sixteen anymore. You can’t force me to sit across from him at a dinner table simply because you say so.”
Her mom went silent. Each of her breaths crackled against the phone line. Colin didn’t move a muscle, as if he’d glimpsed Medusa and turned to stone.
“I didn’t raise you to be unforgiving,” her mother whispered.
“But you raised me to be strong and stand up for myself.”
“Allison—”
“I’m sorry, Ma, but I can’t discuss this right now. I’ve got a ton of work to do. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“I’m really disappointed in the choice you’re making.”
“I know.” Allison’s heart felt like it had been skewered and tornfrom her ribcage. She could be seventy years old, and she’d still be devoured by guilt when it came to her mother. But somewhere beneath all that, she knew she was making the right decision.
