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“You don’t have to say it back,” he’s quick to add, shaking his head. “I don’t expect it. But that’s what brought me down here today. Being without you – it’s so obvious to me now. When I’m not with you, it’s like all the color has been drained out of the world. Even getting something I thought I wanted… Somehow, it doesn’t feel as good, because it means being away from you.”
“I hope I haven’t ruined anything for you.”
“Not even close. Knowing you’re here, waiting… it’ll make the inevitable a little easier to deal with.” We both know Seattle isn’t permanent. Eventually he’ll come home, and so will Soren, and we can all be together again.
“But I couldn’t get on that plane without telling you. I would kick myself to death by the time we landed. I hope you don’t think I’m saying this, so I can get something from you. That’s not it at all. I just… I wanted you to know.”
“I…” I cover his hands with mine and take a deep, shuddering breath. “I have a lot to think about. I’m a little confused. I hope that doesn’t sound weird or like I’m brushing you off.”
“No, it doesn’t. I understand.”
My heart threatens to explode when he leans in to place a kiss against my forehead. “It can’t be against the rules, can it?” he murmurs with his lips close to my skin.
“I don’t think so.” But I lean back a little, anyway. “Let’s not push it, though.”
“That’s fair.” There’s the flash of a smile before he steps back. “I’ll shoot you a text when I get in. Thank you for a nice day.” There’s something so sweet about the way he says it, and for some reason tears fill my eyes. At least they wait until he’s already turned away and inside the terminal.
13
HARLOW
He loves me. I mean, that was always a possibility, right? Only a true idiot would tell herself there won’t be any feelings attached to a relationship like ours, then actually believe it.
He loves me. I’m almost too overwhelmed to drive home, sort of stuck in a fog. I’m happy, yes, but I’m also troubled. I wish I didn’t have to feel this way. I wish I could accept his love happily, openly. There are too many other factors to consider – and people. Not to mention that I never considered falling in love when I got into this arrangement. Sure, it’s been months since the breakup with Kyle, but I’m still a little sore, still a little beat-up emotionally. I don’t want to rush into anything. And that would be the same if I were in a so-called normal relationship with only Ash.
As usual, my cell is mounted on the dashboard while I’m driving, and when it lights up, my attention goes straight to it. It’s Ryder, and he’s trying to FaceTime. Interesting.
I answer the call but keep my eyes on the road. “Hi, I’m in the car. Everything okay?”
“No. Everything is not okay.”
I stop at a light, giving me the chance to look at him. He’s furious, that much is obvious. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“You’re seriously going to sit there and pretend you don’t know?”
A sick feeling starts trickling its way through my veins, turning my blood to ice. “Why don’t you try telling me what’s on your mind?”
“You lied to me. Let’s start there.”
“When did I lie to you?” I’m sitting here going through my memories, trying to figure out what he could be talking about. It might not seem that way since I’ve done so much lying around the team, but I try to tell the truth whenever possible.
“I got a phone call.”
“Okay…” The light turns green and I have no choice but to move ahead, so at least that gives me the excuse of looking away from the phone when he’s glaring from it so coldly.
“Somebody disappeared today. Somebody who would’ve gone to you.”
“Why don’t you come out and tell me what you’re trying to get off your chest? I don’t like these riddles.”
“Did you know there was a fistfight in a club last night in Seattle?”
I could get whiplash from the sudden change in topic. “Really? Who was fighting?”
“Son of a bitch. Are you driving back from the airport right now?” Of course, he can see what I’m driving past thanks to the angle of the phone. “It’s pretty obvious we need to talk.”
“I thought that’s what we were doing now.”
“No. I need to see you, face-to-face.” He ends the call before I can ask what he’s talking about, and something tells me I’m going to have a guest at the house. With the mood he’s in – and how little I feel like dealing with this drama – there’s part of me that wants to keep driving once my exit approaches. I even consider it for one brief moment. Letting him sit in front of the house until he figures out I don’t appreciate people inviting themselves over without asking.
