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And I would include Ryder, too.
“All I’m asking is for a little heads up so I know what’s going on. You didn’t think to invite me over? Maybe I would’ve wanted to say hi.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snap. I mean, come on. Could he be more transparent?
“I’m glad you think something that matters to me is ridiculous.”
“Stop, please.” My head is starting to hurt from all of this. “I need you to listen to me. If this is what I’m in for, I really have to wonder what this is all about.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t deserve this. I don’t like having you show up all angry and in my face over something I couldn’t control. And we agreed, no sex, or fooling around, or anything unless all three of you are here – but hanging out? Going for breakfast, having a little dinner here at the house? Do you want me to clear that with you, too? That sounds a lot like micromanagement, and I am not going to deal with that.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“Yeah, that is all I have to say, because that’s all there is to be said. I’m not going to check in with you over every little thing – and that goes for the other two too. Eventually, you’re all going to learn that I am my own person. A grown woman. I make my own plans, I live my own life. And I want you to be a part of it, but I am not going to apologize for something as innocent as what happened today. Got it?”
I can’t lie. It feels good to stand up for myself. When I was with Kyle, this would’ve ended with me apologizing until my voice went hoarse.
He runs a hand over his head and cups the back of his neck, grimacing. “Don’t you understand that the secrecy makes it seem like more than it was?”
“I totally understand what you’re saying, and I’m telling you, there are other ways to go about this kind of thing than calling me up and picking a fight.” I point toward the door, and my arm is trembling, but I grit my teeth and stiffen my spine. “Now, I’m going to have to ask you to go.”
He’s hurt. It’s clearly written across his face. If there’s another thing I got tired of thanks to my years with Kyle, it’s managing other people’s emotions. I spent years making myself small so he would feel big. I’m never doing that again. Not even for Ryder.
“Fine. I’ll go. But maybe you want to think about something.” His lips twitch in a smirk. “Why didn't he tell you about the fight? What was he trying to hide?”
“He… was probably embarrassed.”
“Probably,” he agrees before turning slowly away from me. “But I wonder if there wasn’t more to it. Like, I don’t know. Maybe they were fighting about you.”
A shudder of disgust runs through me, because of course, that’s what I’m dreading in the back of my mind. The thought of finding out I was the reason they were fighting, even if I can’t imagine why. He’s probably planting the idea in my head because he’s angry, so I pretend to be unfazed as he saunters to the door. Sometimes, that’s the best weapon. Pretending to be unaffected.
When he’s gone, though? Once his car pulls down the street and his taillights finally disappear? Then I can sink onto the couch and wrap my arms around myself and wonder what the guys are keeping from me – and why.
14
HARLOW
“Looking good! Don’t think about it too much. Let your body do the work.”
Don’t think about it too much. Easy for her to say. “Just make sure I’m not about to bump into anything!”
“Do you think I wouldn’t tell you? Besides, you’re in the middle of the ice. There’s nothing around you.”
Don’t think about it too much. Does she have any idea how silly that sounds? It’s one thing to be balanced on a pair of thin blades and move without falling. I finally got the hang of it – mostly. I’m still not what anybody would call graceful, but I’m getting better by the day.
Will she let me bask in the glow of my achievement? No way. Now, she wants me to skate backwards.
“That’s it. Just move your hips like we talked about. Trust your body. It knows what it’s doing.”
The worst part is, she’s right. It’s like when I was learning to ride a bike – something that took much longer than it should have. It seemed like all the kids in the neighborhood picked it up with no problem at all, like one day they didn’t know how to ride and the next day, boom, they were racing each other up and down the street and even riding hands-free.
There I was, still too wobbly for Dad to let go without me falling over.
But as soon as I got out of my head and stopped doubting myself, it came easier. Eventually, I realized Dad had let go a half a block back, and it was only my shadow alongside me on the pavement.
Which, of course, is when I fell over. But I got the hang of it eventually.
